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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The increase in the production of consumer goods results in damage to the natural environment. What are the causes of this? What can be done to solve this problem?

7.5 / 9
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Introduction
In
this
Linking Words
 day and age, the increase in consumer goods production has become a major concern because it can cause serious damage to the natural environment.
This
Linking Words
 problem is mainly caused by companies' efforts to control their budget. To solve
this
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 problem, some effective measures can be implemented to reduce the negative impacts of these activities.
Body paragraph 1
The main reason why the increasing production of goods can damage our habitat is that many businesses do not implement effective waste handling procedures since they want to reduce their expense.
As a result
Linking Words
, untreated industrial waste is being dumped directly into nearby areas, causing serious pollution problems, namely water pollution.
For example
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, in 2018, Formosa company discharged a huge amount of toxic chemical substances into the ocean and destroyed the marine ecosystem in the Central region of Vietnam.
This
Linking Words
 situation not only has negative impacts on marine creatures but
also
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 on the surrounding villages
Body paragraph 2
There are solutions that can be taken to tackle these problems,
such
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 as issuing new policies relating to environmental problems. Most notably, governments should impose heavy fines on companies that illegally discharge unprocessed toxic chemical substances into the environment.
This
Linking Words
 would encourage manufacturers to comply with environmental regulations and invest in handling their harmful byproducts.
Conclusion
In conclusion, the rise of consumer goods production can have negative effects on the natural habitat because companies may prioritise cost reduction over environmental protection. In order to remedy the situation, governments should apply strict penalties to factories that harm the natural habitat,
thus
Linking Words
 reducing the impact on the environment.

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task response
Answer both parts of the question clearly. You explain one main cause and one main way to solve it, but add one more cause, such as the use of more raw materials and energy, or too much plastic packaging.
task response
Develop the solution more fully. Explain how checks, fines, and clean waste systems can make firms change what they do.
task response
Your Formosa example is clear and on topic. Make the link to consumer goods more direct: say that large factories making goods may put waste into water when they try to cut costs.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear order: opening, cause, solution, and ending. Keep this simple plan in each body part: main idea, why it happens, example or result.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with care. You use “As a result” and “For example” well. Add simple links such as “Also”, “Because of this”, and “In this way” to show how each idea leads to the next.
coherence and cohesion
Some ideas need a more complete ending. For example, add a full stop after “surrounding villages.” Then explain the harm, such as unsafe water, less fish, or health problems.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid repeating “natural habitat” and “environment” too often. You can use “nature”, “land and water”, or “the local area” when the meaning is clear.
task response
You deal with both the cause and the solution, and your ideas stay focused on environmental harm from making consumer goods.
task response
The real example of water pollution makes your point more clear and believable.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction clearly states the problem and tells the reader that the essay will discuss causes and solutions.
coherence and cohesion
Each body paragraph has one clear main point, so the essay is easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
The conclusion brings the main cause and solution together in a clear way.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • production
  • consumer goods
  • natural environment
  • damage
  • causes
  • overconsumption
  • demand
  • environmental regulations
  • enforcement
  • natural resources
  • industrial pollution
  • waste
  • inadequate
  • waste management practices
  • public awareness
  • education
  • sustainable alternatives
  • stricter environmental laws
  • recycling
  • responsible consumption
  • clean technologies
  • renewable energy
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