In some countries, owning a home rather than renting one is very important for people. Why might this be the case? Do you think this is a positive or negative situation?
People
are working hard to have a house
for themselves and their own families. Possessing a house
became
a significant situation for residents, and there is a current debate among Wrong verb form
has become
people
in some countries. I totally support the view that it has many positive aspects, instead
of negative ones, and will try to explain my opinions and the reasons for this
situation in this
essay.
Holding personal property is, Correct article usage
a causes
causes
that Correct subject-verb agreement
cause
people
could legate
to their descendants and use freely makes citizens feel better. Correct your spelling
relate
Hence
citizens opt for having a house
rather than spending their wealth for other dispensable actions. To illustrate, residents think that if they have their own homes, they can use whatever they want and are not responsible for anything. In contrast
, when they rent an apartment, they have to pay attention to household equipment such
as walls, furniture and kitchen gadgets.
On the other hand
, preferring to purchase a house
instead
of hiring one is, leads to some advantages for people
and governments. Having a home provides freedom for citizens, and as a result
of this
they can spend or invest their money for entertainment or diverse activities. Add a comma
this,
For instance
, individuals can travel around world
or go to exhibitions and join artistic activities Add an article
the world
instead
of paying the majority of their salary for accommodation.
In conclusion, payments create economic pressure on people
who hire a home and they might not waste their money on whatever they want. Conversely
, if they have their own residence, people
can be more independent and can focus on other investments and activities which people
feel better.Submitted by kulabermuh on
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coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, consider using more transitional phrases and connectors to ensure smooth flow between sentences and paragraphs. This will help link your ideas more effectively.
task achievement
For task achievement, ensure that each argument is fully developed with specific, detailed examples where possible. This will make your essay more persuasive and demonstrate higher-level thinking.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to minor grammatical errors and awkward phrasings, such as 'Holding personal property is, causes that people could legate.' This can slightly hinder the flow and clarity of your essay.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear and well-structured argument, addressing both parts of the question: why owning a home is important and whether it is positive or negative.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are both present and effectively summarize the main points of the essay, making it easy to follow the writer's argument.
task achievement
The essay provides relevant reasons and examples to support the points made, showing a good understanding of the topic.