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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts below show the changes in ownership of electrical appliances and amount of times and doing housework in house holes in one country between 1920 and 2019

The charts below show the changes in ownership of electrical appliances and amount of times and doing housework in house holes in one country between 1920 and 2019
#show #changes #ownership #appliances #amount #times #housework #house #holes #country
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The two line graphs represent the information
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
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households in a particular country: one compares the percentage of households with
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
electrical
applicances
Correct your spelling
applications
, another shows
average
Add an article
an average
the average
show examples
 of
hours
Use synonyms
 of housework per
weeks
Fix the agreement mistake
week
show examples
 per household between 1920 and 2019.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be clearly observed that trends of three electrical appliances experienced n upward trend,
whereas
Linking Words
 that
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
hours
Use synonyms
 of
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
housework per week underwent a downward trend
among
Change preposition
within
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 the given time frame.
However
Linking Words
, it is interesting to note that
though
Correct word choice
apply
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refrigerators
was
Change the verb form
were
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 the only appliances that remarkably
become
Wrong verb form
became
show examples
 popular and owned in every
households
Change to a singular noun
household
show examples
 within
first
Add an article
the first
show examples
 half of the
centuries
Fix the agreement mistake
century
show examples
.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, in 1920, at 40%
Washing
Correct article usage
the Washing
show examples
 machine was
owned
Verb problem
apply
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the highest among
other
Correct article usage
the other
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 two appliances, followed by
vacuum
Correct article usage
the vacuum
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 cleaner and refrigerator, at 30% and 2%,respectively. In 1920-1960, both washing
machine
Fix the agreement mistake
machines
show examples
 and vacuum
cleaner
Fix the agreement mistake
cleaners
show examples
 increased
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 a constant rate
at
Change preposition
of
show examples
 70%, and 50%, respectively,
while
Linking Words
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
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fridges skyrocketed up to 90% in 1960.
In
Change preposition
From
show examples
 1980 -2019, washing
machine
Fix the agreement mistake
machines
show examples
 experienced
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
fluctated
Correct your spelling
fluctuated
trends
Fix the agreement mistake
trend
show examples
 and ended at 75% in 2019,
whereas
Linking Words
 the other
twos
Fix the agreement mistake
two
show examples
 gradually reached
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 peak
to
Change preposition
at
show examples
 100% in 2019. In regards with, in terms of
numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number
show examples
 of
hours
Use synonyms
 working on
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
housework per week per household, in 1920,
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
about 50
hours
Use synonyms
 per week was the longest time
spending
Replace the word
spent
show examples
 for
a choirs
Correct the article-noun agreement
choirs
a choir
show examples
 and slowly
decreaseto
Correct your spelling
decreased
 slightly above 10%
at the end
Linking Words
 of the
compared
Verb problem
apply
show examples
period.
Submitted by kamonluck1999 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "whereas".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words hours with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "compares" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trends" was used 4 times.
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