IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think that keeping pets is good for children while others think it is dangerous and unhealthy. Discuss both views and give your opinion?

#people #pets #children
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Children
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 are born with
curiousity
Correct your spelling
curiosity
 and a little sense of the world around them. They need loads and loads of attention, yet not all
parents
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 can give the attention required. Some
parents
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 have considered keeping
pets
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 so the child can grow
with
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up with
show examples
 a companion. Contrary to
this
Linking Words
, some
parents
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 have regarded
pets
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 as a physical and health threat to their
children
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. Even so, I personally view
pets
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 as loving creatures that would be wonderful companions
of
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for
show examples
children
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. On one side,
children
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 are curious
of
Change preposition
about
show examples
 the outside world yet not all
parents
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 have the
time
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 to guard and keep them
safely
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safe
show examples
. Most
parents
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 require
time
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 to do chores or work,
therefore
Linking Words
 some
parents
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 would consider
pets
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 to
company
Verb problem
accompany
show examples
 their
children
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 and keep them entertained and safe. Another positive aspect of having
pets
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 is the natural instinct that
pets
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 have. These
pets
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 have the ability to sense threats around the
children
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 and bring them back into safety. Even so, some people would still consider
pets
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 a hassle and a threat to their
children
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. From
this
Linking Words
 perspective, most would argue that
pets
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 still require training and taming to be completely friendly to others, yet some
parents
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 do not have the
time
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 for
this
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 sort of training.
Hence
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, when these
pets
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 are allowed near the
children
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 they may attack or play roughly against them. Another factor includes the
unhygenic
Correct your spelling
unhygienic
 behaviour of
pets
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 as they travel outside and step on dirt and possibly other animal excretes, making them a health threat to the
children
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. Based on the two
arguements
Correct your spelling
arguments
 that a person would have regarding
this
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 issue, I would consider
pets
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 more
helping
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helpful
show examples
 as the benefits of
pets
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 would
overweigh
Verb problem
outweigh
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 the process of pet taming.
Although
Linking Words
 it is true that
pets
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 require taming for proper hygiene and behaviour, it would be beneficial in the long run. They would be the best friend for our
children
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 for a long period of
time
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 and become
comfort
Add an article
a comfort
show examples
 for personal problems that
children
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 feel burdened to share. These
pets
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 would
also
Linking Words
 teach
children
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 to be more responsible and more caring. In conclusion, there are more benefits in keeping
pets
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 for
children
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 rather than not having
pets
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 for the
children
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.
Submitted by kelly on

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task achievement
Adding a few more specific examples would help to strengthen your argument and make your points more relatable.
coherence cohesion
You might want to improve the clarity of your response by ensuring that each paragraph addresses a single main idea in a more distinct manner.
language
Avoid small grammatical errors and informal expressions to increase the overall quality of your writing.
task achievement
Your introduction clearly outlines the topic and provides a clear thesis statement that outlines your stance.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a well-structured introduction and conclusion that frames the discussion well.
task achievement
Your arguments for both sides are fairly balanced, showing an understanding of different perspectives.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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