Many wild animals have become endangered. Why has this happened? What can governments do to stop this from continuing to happen?

The past few decades have witnessed a dramatic decline in a large number of wild animal species .
This
essay will look at some primary causes and propose a number of possible solutions that the
government
can take to tackle the problem. There are two main reasons for becoming endangered in some rare
animals
.
Firstly
, they are affected by illegal poaching from humans .
For example
, poachers tend to hunt valuable products like ivory tusks ,
shark
Correct word choice
and shark
show examples
scales . Another reason is deforestation . Using clear land for agriculture and logging can damage the habitat of various wild
animals
.
As a consequence
, it
offers
Verb problem
poses
show examples
some threats to
survival
Correct article usage
the survival
show examples
Change preposition
of
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animal species . There are several actions that suggest the
government
to mitigate
this
issue .
To begin
with , the
government
needs to come up with legislation about raising strict punishment for poachers . From that point , it can reduce attacking wild
animals
. Not only that , the
government
can provide a safe habitat for wildlife . By establishing conservation areas like national parks , nature reserves can offer an opportunity for wild
animals
to develop and maintain races . In conclusion , there are various factors leading to the extinction of wild
animals
and some measures can be implemented to address
this
issues
Fix the agreement mistake
issue
show examples
.
Submitted by hachuhachuha on

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task response
Ensure your ideas are well-explained and supported with specific details and examples. This will make your arguments more convincing.
task response
Clarify some of your points further to avoid ambiguity. For instance, explain how certain government measures can be specifically implemented and monitored to protect wildlife.
coherence cohesion
Organize the essay into clear paragraphs to enhance readability. Ensure that each body paragraph contains one main idea supported by examples.
coherence cohesion
Work on transition phrases between sentences and paragraphs to maintain a smooth flow of ideas. This helps in guiding the reader through your argument coherently.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction and conclusion are clear and effectively introduce and summarize the topic respectively.
supported main points
You've provided relevant reasons such as illegal poaching and deforestation, which are significant factors contributing to the endangerment of wildlife.
task achievement
The essay includes some practical solutions like legislation and conservation areas which are relevant and feasible.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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