"Prevention is better than cure". Researching and treating diseases is too costly so it would be better to invest in preventative measures. To what extent do you agree.
It is a wonderful phrase I heard when I was a child , protection from the disease is more important than seeking treatment.
I wholeheartedly agree with
this
sentence, I shall elaborate on my point of view in this
essay.
In the beginning, all of us know how the body state is a crucial matter , and why we should not ignore our body without any precautions.
Folks have to be motivated in this
section by the ministery
of health or by parents from childhood
Listening to our bodies are very important point , most Correct your spelling
ministry
minister
of
Change preposition
apply
the
people ignore signs because of Correct article usage
apply
the
lack of awareness Correct article usage
a
also
the
laziness which is driving them to become careless, Correct article usage
apply
while
they aren't going to gym
or practising any physical activity to build up fitness.
Correct article usage
the gym
in addition
, to get off bad habits like smoking or heavily
drinking even Change the word
heavy
they
Correct word choice
if they
are
never Unnecessary verb
apply
do
check Unnecessary verb
apply
up
continuously.
Change preposition
apply
On the other hand
, the cost of the treatment in the advanced stage is heavier than from the earlier , beside the prognosis of the treatment will also
decrease i.e in medical terms ( poor prognosis), which means the person will lose more money with the low chance in returning health system like the previous.
In conclusion, health statement is a significant matter that we shouldn't neglect it
. Awareness should be found, by learning and asking how to be a healthy body with high immunity Correct pronoun usage
apply
hence
to be capable of facing viruses and microbes.
in addition
to avoiding bad habits to keep the organs free from any complications and any foreign bodies.Submitted by sarah.baghdad20 on
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task response
You have presented a clear position on the topic and have supported it with relevant arguments. However, work on organizing your ideas more effectively to improve logical flow between paragraphs.
task response
Try to further develop your main points with more specific examples and evidence. Providing concrete examples will strengthen your arguments.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay would benefit from clearer transitions between ideas to enhance readability. Use transitional words and phrases to link your points more cohesively.
coherence and cohesion
Be mindful of grammar errors and awkward phrasing, which can disrupt clarity. Practice writing more complex sentences correctly.
task response
Your introduction clearly states your position on the topic and sets up your essay effectively.
coherence and cohesion
You have a conclusion that summarizes your main points and reinforces your argument.
task response
Your ideas are generally clear and you have a solid understanding of the topic.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.