IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation, such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money. Others argue that it is better to try and improve such situations. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #situation #job #shortage #money #situations
In today’s
word
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world
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 of hectic alterations, some individuals tend to throw in the towel in seeking
better
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a better
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life
 and make do
what
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with what
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 they have
whereas
 other
proportion
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proportions
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 of mankind
have
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has
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 a desperate
endeavor
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endeavour
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 to figure out the auspicious path to acquire more from
life
. I myself profoundly reckon that missing the boat is not the eventual option and there is always
place
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a place
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 for improvement.
Considering individuals
Verb problem
Individuals
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 who are afraid to take chief steps to
upside-down
Verb problem
turn
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 their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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, can encounter severe repercussions. As far as the huge array of people are satisfied with unpleasant circumstances, eluding from prospects in conjunction with obliterating their mental health are the most important indicators to take into account.
For instance
,
majority
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the majority
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 of youngsters possess
a
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apply
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scarce experience in
taking
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making
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 vital decisions
thus
 missing
the
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apply
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promotion
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promotions
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,
internship
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internships
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 and so many other splendid opportunities.
Moreover
, they harass themselves by suppressing inner emotions
for remaining
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to remain
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 in
abiding
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an abiding
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 position, entailing
to
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apply
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severe subsequent. Another noteworthy agenda refers to the
constant
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constantly
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 evolving component, varying many people’s lives on the bright side by the snap.
Furthermore
, self-development is a crucial aspect in all walks of
life
, supplying ineffable chances to flourish vigorously whilst others make excuses about every single impediment.
Hence
to
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apply
show examples
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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, people who have a strong zeal to invest efforts
more
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are more
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 likely to succeed rather than those who
keen
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are keen
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 on
with
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apply
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their current conditions. First camp, the birds of a feather flock together unless the second camp has an inferior
intension
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intention
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, leading to fewer accomplishments. To recap the aforementioned, the approach of permanent enhancing self has its appeal for me tremendously more, embracing a huge number of merits, commencing with hitting the road and
expand
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expanding
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 the outlook, and terminating with obtaining
high-powered
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a high-powered
the high-powered
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 job.
Submitted by kirkagoglesmail on

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task achievement
Ensure that all main points are directly and clearly related to the essay question. This will help in achieving a complete response and make it easier for the reader to follow your argument.
task achievement
Include specific examples to support your points. This will not only make your argument stronger but also show your ability to apply general points to specific instances.
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs. The essay should have clear transitions that guide the reader smoothly from one point to the next.
coherence cohesion
Focus on presenting ideas clearly and comprehensively. This often involves breaking complex thoughts into simpler, more digestible pieces.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are present, which helps to frame your argument and provides a sense of completeness to your essay.
task achievement
You have attempted to present both sides of the argument, which shows a balanced approach and understanding of the topic.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • adversity
  • resilience
  • stoicism
  • contentment
  • cope
  • adapt
  • endure
  • persevere
  • settle
  • ambition
  • tenacious
  • determined
  • resourceful
  • optimistic
  • self-improvement
  • proactive
  • initiative
  • transform
  • overcome
  • confront
What to do next:
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