Children today are too dependent on computers and electronic entertainment. It would be better to encourage them to spend more time outside playing sports and games. Do you agree or disagree?

In contemporary society, children’s reliance on digital devices for leisure has reached alarming levels.
While
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technology undeniably offers educational value, excessive screen time detrimentally impacts physical health, social development, and cognitive growth.
Hence
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, I wholeheartedly concur that promoting outdoor
sports
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and traditional games is imperative for fostering well-rounded individuals.
This
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essay will elucidate the multifaceted benefits of outdoor activities, emphasizing their superiority over passive screen-based entertainment. Primarily, outdoor play cultivates indispensable social skills that virtual interactions cannot replicate. Team
sports
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such
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as football or basketball necessitate cooperation, negotiation, and leadership—qualities pivotal for future professional and personal success.
For instance
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, a longitudinal study by Harvard University revealed that adolescents engaged in regular team
sports
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demonstrated markedly higher emotional intelligence and conflict-resolution abilities than their screen-dependent peers.
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interpersonal competencies are irreplaceable in adulthood, where collaboration and adaptability determine career trajectories.
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, the physical advantages of outdoor activities are irrefutable. Unlike sedentary screen time, which contributes to childhood obesity and myopia,
sports
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enhance cardiovascular health, motor coordination, and bone density. Exposure to natural sunlight
also
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regulates circadian rhythms, mitigating sleep disorders linked to excessive device usage. The British Journal of
Sports
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Medicine reports that children participating in daily outdoor play exhibit a 40% lower risk of metabolic syndromes, underscoring the lifelong health dividends of active lifestyles. Critics may argue that technology fosters creativity through educational apps and programming games.
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, unstructured outdoor play uniquely stimulates problem-solving and risk assessment—skills honed by navigating real-world challenges. Climbing trees,
for example
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, teaches spatial awareness and resilience,
while
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imaginative role-playing games enhance linguistic and cognitive flexibility far more effectively than pre-programmed digital content. In conclusion,
while
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electronic devices have a niche in modern education, their overuse stunts holistic development. Policymakers and parents must prioritize outdoor recreation by integrating
sports
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into school curricula and redesigning urban spaces to encourage active play. Only by striking
this
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balance can we nurture a generation
that is
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physically robust, socially adept, and mentally agile.

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coherence and cohesion
Your introduction presents a clear argument, but you could make it more engaging with a hook statement.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure every point ties back to your main argument clearly to strengthen the flow of ideas.
task achievement
Consider summarizing each main point briefly in the conclusion to reinforce your arguments.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a strong overall structure and clear main points that support your argument effectively, making it easy to follow.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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