IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Scientists believe that computers will become more intelligent than human beings. Some people find it a positive development while others think it a negative development. Discuss both points and give your opinion.

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There is some
worrying
Replace the word
worry
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 from the public towards
to
Change preposition
apply
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scientistic reports about
computers
Use synonyms
 soon being smarter than humans. Some people believe that
such
Linking Words
 advancement
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
computers
Use synonyms
 may cause dire problems,
while
Linking Words
 a significant amount of people,including me, consider
this
Linking Words
 a good revolution. On the one hand, intelligent
computers
Use synonyms
 may cause several issues.
Firstly
Linking Words
, more smarter
become
Verb problem
apply
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our technological devices more we become lazy and dumped. Smart
computers
Use synonyms
 will solve any equation and problem that we face in our study and work life. In turn, it leads to people's condition that they do not need even think anymore.
For example
Linking Words
, today most of the students already started using Artificial Intelligence in their study.
Secondly
Linking Words
, there is a chance that we can lose our freedom to smart
computers
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 as they will be capable of making ideas and points that may please us and we do not even realize being controlled by
computers
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.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
advancement
Correct article usage
the advancement
show examples
 of intelligent
computers
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 may come with unimagined benefits to individuals.
Smart
Add an article
A smart
The smart
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 computer that has access to our data about the world might be able to solve the problems that have plagued humanity for centuries. It will be anything global warming, economic crisis, pollution, incurable diseases, political debates you name it. These
computers
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 will be
Linking Words
such
Fix the agreement mistake
apply
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tools that will ease every aspect of the life of human beings.
For instance
Linking Words
, in the medical field
computers
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 are already widely used to conduct
cirius
Correct your spelling
circus
 operations that doctors never be capable of.
To conclude
Linking Words
,
advancement
Correct article usage
the advancement
show examples
computer
Change preposition
of computer
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 intelligence is likely to cause some problems,but I personally believe that there are significant benefits too.

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task achievement
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which is good. However, it would benefit from a more elaborate introduction that introduces the broader context of technological advancements before diving into the debate about intelligent computers.
coherence cohesion
Ensure every paragraph transitions smoothly from one idea to the next. Using linking words and phrases can improve the overall cohesion in your writing. For example, 'In addition,' 'Moreover,' or 'Conversely,' can help make your argument flow better.
task achievement
To enhance your task response, make sure each point is clearly supported with relevant examples. The examples provided do illustrate the points but could be expanded to add more depth to your argument.
coherence cohesion
Be careful with grammatical errors and awkward phrasing, such as 'more smarter' which should be 'smarter,' and 'dumped' which should be 'dumb.' Pay attention to the use of articles and prepositions to improve sentence structure.
task achievement
You've done well to present both sides of the argument concerning intelligent computers and their impact, which shows critical thinking and balanced perspectives.
task achievement
The essay covers a variety of relevant points like economic crises, global warming, and medical advancements, which makes for a well-rounded discussion.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes the main points discussed, which ties everything back to the initial argument and provides closure to the essay.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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