IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some countries one in the home rather than renting one is very important for people white might be the call to you think this is positive or negative situation

#countries #home #people #call #situation
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In today's materialistic world, many young people dream of owning a
home
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 rather than renting.
This
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 desire can be regarded as a negative situation for several reasons.
To begin
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 with, a
home
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 provides not only economic security but
also
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 stability for progress,
along with
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 a sense of attachment and connection to the family. The freedom to live in one's own
home
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 can't be compared to renting, as ownership provides a greater sense of security and permanence.
However
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,
this
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 widespread dream of owning a
home
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 has driven up
property
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prices
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 significantly. For many lower-income individuals,
this
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 dream is becoming increasingly unattainable
due to
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 skyrocketing site
prices
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.The pressure to afford a
home
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 often forces individuals to work excessively hard, potentially leading to ill health. As
property
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prices
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 rise, many are left with no choice but to remain in rented homes, which lack permanence and stability.
For example
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, data published by the UN shows that the number of homeless people is increasing
due to
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 the drastic rise in
property
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 rates.
To conclude
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,
while
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 owning a
home
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 can be a source of pride and economic stability for some, the increasing
property
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prices
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 are pushing lower-middle-class families towards homelessness.
Thus
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,
this
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 phenomenon can be viewed as a negative development.
Submitted by piratijaiswal1992 on

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coherence cohesion
While the essay is generally well-structured, consider improving your transitions between paragraphs and points for a smoother flow. This will enhance the logical structure and coherence of your essay.
task achievement
Expand on the ideas with more depth and specific examples to support your main points. This will make your arguments more compelling and comprehensive.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which are essential for a well-rounded response.
task achievement
You provided relevant examples that support your main points, which is critical for task achievement.

Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

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