IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Nowadays, an increasing number of people with health problems are using alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their normal doctor. Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

#people #health #alternative #medicines #treatments #doctor #development
As usual, people look for
doctors
 when they have health issues.
However
, various
medicines
 and treatments are quite popular nowadays.
This
 trend may have some positive aspects, but they are insignificant compared to its negative aspects.
Therefore
, it is a negative development. Significant risks are associated with using unapproved alternative
medicines
 and treatments. Health departments have yet to prove or approve these treatments scientifically, so their safety and effectiveness are not guaranteed.
Moreover
, their origins can be traced back to ancient times, potentially leading to dangerous consequences for our health. Another significant barrier is that we do not know exactly if the
medicines
 we are using are good or bad.
Therefore
, it would be better to visit
doctors
 because they have a good background and a long learning process throughout training. They learn in-depth about the treatment of diseases. More importantly,
doctors
 can solve some serious issues and difficult surgeries that
medicines
 can not deal with.
Additionally
,
doctors
 can check and find out the origin of our diseases. From that, they can understand and give us some beneficial methods and suitable drugs to treat them effectively. In conclusion, if we catch any diseases, it would be better to visit and seek advice from
doctors
.
Submitted by anh0829 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Consider providing specific examples or case studies to support your main points. This helps in making your arguments more persuasive and grounded.
task achievement
Expand on your third and fourth paragraphs to include more detailed arguments and evidence. This can provide a fuller picture of your point of view and enhance the clarity of your ideas.
coherence cohesion
Work on connecting your ideas more seamlessly between paragraphs. Use linking words and phrases to ensure smooth transitions and enhance the flow of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which frame your argument well.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of your essay is well-organized, with each paragraph focusing on a specific point related to your thesis.
task achievement
You effectively address the prompt by discussing both positive and negative aspects, ultimately taking a clear stance on the issue.
task achievement
Your arguments are generally clear, and you provide a reasoned explanation for why you believe visiting doctors is preferable to using alternative medicines.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • alternative medicines
  • treatments
  • positive development
  • negative development
  • health problems
  • usual doctor
  • access
  • personalized approach
  • holistic well-being
  • lack of regulation
  • evidence-based research
  • proper medical treatment
What to do next:
Look at other essays: