IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

Water use should be strictly controlled by government. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

#water #government
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Some suggest that governments should regulate
water
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use
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 strictly. I,
however
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, do not share the same view, as I believe that authorities should inform the public about the consequences of using it carelessly and reward those managing to conserve it at home. First and foremost, to save
water
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, it would be better if authorities educated
people
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 about
water
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 usage
instead
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 of setting limits for
water
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 consumption. More precisely, governments should make
people
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 aware that
water
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 is not an unlimited resource and what would happen if
people
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 utilized it inattentively by organizing gatherings intended to save
water
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. Doing
this
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 can encourage
people
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 not only to stop wasting
water
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 but
also
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 to start using it economically and inform others about the negative consequences of misspending it.
As a result
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,
people
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 may
use
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water
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 efficiently.
Secondly
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, rewarding
people
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 for preserving
water
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 is another way to regulate
water
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 utilization.
In other words
Linking Words
, it would be better to give an award to those saving
water
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 rather than punish everyone with
water
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 restrictions.
This
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 is
due to
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 that there can be individuals wasting
water
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 because they think there is no point in saving it.
This
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 can lead those
people
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 to start conserving
water
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 to earn money or get an award, as there are many simple ways of doing
this
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.
For example
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, individuals may turn off the tap when
water
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 is being utilized for nothing or may
use
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 smart appliances.
As a consequence
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,
water
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 usage can be regulated. All things considered,
while
Linking Words
 some argue that officials should control how
people
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use
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water
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 severely, I assert that they should notify individuals about how to employ and reward
people
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 for preserving
water
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by minimix1203 on

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task achievement
Ensure you address counterarguments more explicitly where appropriate. This adds more depth to the task achievement.
coherence cohesion
Use varied sentence structures to enhance the overall readability and interest of the essay.
task achievement
Your essay presents clear and comprehensive ideas, making your viewpoint evident and well-explained.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of your essay is strong, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
task achievement
You have effectively supported your main points with relevant and specific examples.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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