IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some people think the government funding should not be used for supporting art and culture, while others think supporting cultural activities may be beneficial for the population and the culture. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #government #art #culture #activities #population
Some folks argue that the
state
 should not sponsor the cultural activities, because many other areas need government funding,
whereas
, many are of the notion that funding these festivals may be helpful.
This
 essay will discuss both views and give my opinion that the executive's sponsorship is necessary for promoting traditional values and
also
 for
psychological
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the psychological
show examples
well being
Add a hyphen
well-being
show examples
 of the society. On the one hand,those against the financial support of the
state
 argue that there are more pressing issues for the authorities to pay attention to.
Firstly
, many
under-developed
Correct your spelling
underdeveloped
show examples
 nations do not have enough supplies to feed their people.If a poor country diverts the resources towards
art related
Add a hyphen
art-related
show examples
 events,
then
 a common man will die of hunger
due to
 food shortage.
Secondly
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
basic education and health are the two key areas requiring a major share
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the budget.If the individuals are healthy and have
bare
Correct article usage
the bare
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 minimum
qualification
Fix the agreement mistake
qualifications
show examples
, only
then
 they will be able to enjoy
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
literary activities.
For example
, in Pakistan, only half of the population is literate,
the
Correct word choice
and the
show examples
 remaining half looking towards the national assembly for educational
grant
Fix the agreement mistake
grants
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 for them to obtain primary
qualification
Fix the agreement mistake
qualifications
show examples
.
On the other hand
, a large fraction of
population
Correct article usage
the population
show examples
opine
Correct subject-verb agreement
opines
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 that the funds for cultural functions should be provided by the
state
 as it helps in propagating the national art.By contributing a small amount of money, a country can preserve its heritage.
For instance
, many dramas and theatres
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 Pakistan are popular in the world
due to
state
 ownership of the national TV running these shows.
In addition
, these programs are a source of mental relaxation for the populace.
This
 means that if people get a chance to listen to traditional music after
hectic
Correct article usage
a hectic
show examples
 work routine, they will retain
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
good mental health.To exemplify, whenever, I feel tired after long working hours, I listen to the local music channel that helps me recoup my energy. In conclusion,
although
 many sectors require priority funding from the government exchequer , I believe that some of
funds
Add an article
the funds
show examples
 should be allocated to art and culture for the sake of preserving national traditions and for
uplift
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the uplift
show examples
 of the mental health of the masses.
Submitted by alishah2294 on

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task achievement
Ensure you consistently address both sides of the argument throughout. Your essay occasionally leans more towards supporting government funding without enough balance for the opposing view.
coherence cohesion
Review the placement of commas and make sure that your sentences flow naturally. This will make your points clearer and easier to follow.
task achievement
Include more specific and diverse examples to illustrate your points. Varying the types of examples can strengthen the support for your main ideas.
coherence cohesion
Good organization with a clear introduction and conclusion. Your essay maintains a logical flow of ideas.
task achievement
You provide a clear and comprehensive response to the task, covering both viewpoints thoroughly.
task achievement
The examples you gave are relevant and help support your argument.
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