obesity has become an issue in some Western countries, especially among children. What are the reasons behind, and what effects does it have on individuals' life

#obesity #countries #children #effects #individuals #life

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Over the

last

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decades, Western populations have seen an increase in the number of

children

Use synonyms

who suffer from obesity and

as well as

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, overweight.

This

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essay will discuss some reasons why

this

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occurred and shed light on the consequences of

this

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adverse tendency. The critical cause of

this

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issue is a poor diet. In the

last

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ten years, there has been a dramatic ascent in the number of fast food,

additionally

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its restaurants.

For instance

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, in the USA approximately every street has McDonald’s, KFC, and numerous

such

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places. The junk food in these places is not healthy and it contains a lot of food pollutants, and hazardous chemicals and is consumed by customers, especially

children

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. The effects of

this

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have been and will continue to be very weighty.

Firstly

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, there has been a significant increase in the rates of disease conditions, and health issues amongst

children

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, especially diabetes. The majority of youngsters are suffering from serious illnesses which relate to being overweight and obese.

Moreover

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, it can lead to feelings of embarrassment among their peers and lower self-confidence and self-esteem.

Furthermore

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, it

also

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brings viable discrimination in the job and business market and can be another negative impact of being obese.

To sum up

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, the obvious conclusion to be drawn is that,

it is clear that

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there are plenty of causes of being overweight amongst

children

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Remove the comma

apply

show examples

and a larger variety of detrimental effects. Society must ensure steps are taken to prevent

this

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problem from

further

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Submitted by feruzayla2006 on Fri Mar 29 2024

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Task Achievement

Your essay provides a comprehensive response to the prompt with clear and comprehensive ideas. However, including more distinct, real-world examples could enhance the task achievement score.

Coherence and Cohesion

You've structured your essay logically, which enhances its readability. To further improve coherence and cohesion, try varying your sentence structures and using a wider range of linking words for smoother transitions between ideas.

Structure

The introduction and conclusion are well-defined, effectively framing your essay.

Support for Main Points

Main points are supported with reasons, though more specific examples could add depth.

Clarity of Ideas

Your discussion of causes and consequences is clear and relates well to the prompt.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

13
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meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

245 words

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obesity has become an issue in some Western countries, especially among children. What are the reasons behind, and what effects does it have on individuals' life

Word Count

Some universities now offer their courses on the Internet so that people can study online. Is this a positive or negative development?

It is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their personal lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages?

In some countries the average weight of people is increasing and their levels of health and fitness are decreasing. What do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them?

In education and employment, some people work harder than others. 1. Why do some people work harder? 2. Is it always a good thing to work hard?

Some people sat that it is a good idea to socialise with work colleagues during evenings and/or weekends. Other people think it is important to keep working life completely separate from social life. Discuss both the views and give your own opinion.