Developing countries require internation organizations' help. Some people prefer financial aid while others think practical aid and advice are better
It is believed that developing nations need the assistance of wealthy countries. Whilst many think that offering monetary relief to these people is better, others believe it is preferable to have practical cooperation
as well as
offer strategies to them. I support the view that it is best to get practically involved in the development of these places.
To start with, there is a wide notion in my hometown which is, “Do not give me fish to eat, rather teach me how to fish”. This
is likened to the opinion that it is preferable that wealthier countries offer practical aid and viable methods to the building of the poorer community, and this
can be achieved through good business corporations. This
option has been proven to be effective throughout history and an instance is the discovery of black Gold in Nigeria a few decades ago where the involvement of international organizations such
as the UK and the United States proffered means on how to harness this
natural resource (crude oil) and its’ refining into better use. They introduced oil- refineries into Nigeria and further
became the primary importers of the end product hence
improving the country’s revenue.
Financial aid, however
, can provide momentary assistance to a needy population, especially one that lacks the necessary ideas on how to invest the money provided, but when there is a matter of urgency and dire need for funds, then
a country can borrow from a rich one. For instance
, the period of the COVID-19 outbreak that is
, the pandemic in the year 2020 took most people and communities off-balance. There was a necessity to improve the healthcare system in most developing states, and data has shown that China did lend money to Ghana, Togo and others not mentioned. The situation was impromptu for most places and hence
required the same approach which was to acquire funds from China and curb the drastic impact.
In conclusion, financial help irrefutably can be a good way to assist developing places but that can have a short-term impact, I rather advocate for well-civilized populations establishing a good business connection and giving viable solutions to the problem of civilization in developing populations to have a long-term effect on their development.Submitted by find.love.ua on
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coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, you can use more transition words or phrases to smoothly guide the reader through your points. For instance, using phrases like 'on the other hand,' 'furthermore,' or 'in addition' can help connect your ideas more clearly.
task achievement
In the task achievement area, make sure to address both sides of the argument more comprehensively. You have touched on both financial and practical aid, but fully developing each point and offering a more balanced analysis would enhance your essay.
coherence cohesion
Consider separating your paragraphs more effectively to clearly distinguish different points or aspects of your argument. This would make your essay easier to follow and improve overall readability.
task achievement
The use of real-world examples such as the COVID-19 pandemic and the discovery of oil in Nigeria adds depth to your essay and strengthens your argument.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion. This helps the reader understand your main argument and the points you intend to discuss.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?
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