The growing number of overweight people is putting a strain on the health care system. Some people think that the best way to deal with this problem is to introduce more physical education lessons in school curriculum. To what extent do you agree?
The number of help people to Make
obeisty
Correct your spelling
obesity
incrased
recently and that Correct your spelling
increased
lead
to Wrong verb form
has led
make
stress on hospitals to work with it. I completely agree with the idea that Change the verb form
making
hese
are put Correct your spelling
these
more
Change preposition
on more
piysical
Correct your spelling
physical
subject
Fix the agreement mistake
subjects
Fix the infinitive
to
undrstand
and avoid to be in Correct your spelling
understand
overwight
.
The are several Correct your spelling
overweight
overnight
of
Change preposition
apply
Add an article
the reason
reason
why Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
shluod
Correct word choice
schools should
intrduce
more Correct your spelling
introduce
subject
Fix the agreement mistake
subjects
on
in schools Change preposition
apply
talk
about how to Correct word choice
and talk
maitain
Correct your spelling
maintain
body
weight. Firstly
, it isFix the infinitive
to
students
undrstand
why we should be fit and be in Correct your spelling
understand
helthy
weight to avoid Correct your spelling
healthy
risk
of obesity and other Add an article
the risk
helath proplem
. Correct your spelling
health problems
Secondly
, these leasons
help Correct your spelling
lessons
students
fully undrstand
Correct your spelling
understand
about
Change preposition
apply
body
exercise and make him
Correct pronoun usage
them
undrstand
the Correct your spelling
understand
effect
if they dont do it like Fix the agreement mistake
effects
injurys
and Correct your spelling
injuries
helth proplems
. A study Correct your spelling
health problems
oublished
by New York University in 2013 concluded that 70% of people have Correct your spelling
published
deabtes
and hypertension Correct your spelling
diabetes
debates
becuse
of obesity and Correct your spelling
because
this
is dangerus
. Correct your spelling
dangerous
Finally
, physical activties
reduce stress and make him Correct your spelling
activities
activity
happyer
.
I believe that Correct your spelling
happier
happy
the
not Correct article usage
apply
interduce
more physical Correct your spelling
introduce
subject
in schools effect Fix the agreement mistake
subjects
on
people , Change preposition
apply
becuse
it is not enough for Correct your spelling
because
students
know
about Add the particle
to know
thir
Correct your spelling
their
body
nedded
. Correct your spelling
needed
Furthermore
, More subject
make Fix the agreement mistake
subjects
students
take it serius
and work hard in Correct your spelling
seriously
serious
theis activties
to Correct your spelling
these activities
avoied
begen in Correct your spelling
avoid
helthy
risk of obesity . Correct your spelling
the
Helthy
Correct your spelling
Healthy
body
mean
Correct subject-verb agreement
means
Correct article usage
a Helthy
Helthy
mind, trining Correct your spelling
Healthy
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
brain
Correct article usage
the brain
helthy
and Correct your spelling
healthy
incrase
focus to Correct your spelling
increases
students
to achive thiers golas
and make Correct your spelling
achieve their goals
him
happy. In my Correct pronoun usage
them
opinion
if they take more Add a comma
opinion,
leasons
how Correct your spelling
lessons
control
Add the particle
to control
thier
bodies they may Correct your spelling
their
be prevent
Change the verb form
prevent
thier
self to Correct your spelling
their
be
in Wrong verb form
being
bad
Correct article usage
a bad
helthy
state.
In conclusion, my view is that schools should be interduce more Correct your spelling
healthy
health
phiscal
Correct your spelling
physical
subject
that Fix the agreement mistake
subjects
benfit
all Correct your spelling
benefit
benefits
students
in thier
lives, and Correct your spelling
their
its
Correct your spelling
it's
worng
to take Correct your spelling
wrong
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
leasones
about Correct your spelling
lessons
thier
Correct your spelling
their
body
exercsie
to fully Correct your spelling
exercise
undrstand
the Correct your spelling
understand
important
of avoid to be in overweight .Replace the word
importance
Submitted by ijaly4 on
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language
Enhance spelling and grammar accuracy by proofreading your work or using tools for spell checking.
task response
Develop your points more thoroughly. For example, when discussing the benefits of physical education, you could include statistics or case studies to make your argument stronger.
coherence and cohesion
Improve the coherence of your essay by making sure each paragraph flows logically from one to the next. Use sequencing words and transitional phrases to help guide the reader.
task response
Your introduction sets a clear stance, which is a good starting point for an argumentative essay.
coherence and cohesion
The structure of the essay includes an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which is crucial for coherence and cohesion.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your main points and restates your stance, which is important for a well-rounded essay.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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