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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people believe that professionals, such as doctors and engineers, should be required to work in the country where they did their training. Others believe they should be free to work in another country if they wish. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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Many professional workers should accomplish certain proficiency before starting a career. Some of them
work
Use synonyms
 in the
country
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 they trained and others are trying to
work
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 in another
country
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.
However
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,
this
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 case has made it controversial and society is debating which one is better. In my opinion,
people
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 can
work
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 anywhere they want and
this
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 essay will explain why. Some of the countries have experienced lacking of human resources in certain professions. The
government
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 expects to get numerous workers by observing how many
students
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 strive in those courses. They
also
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 provide scholarships to increase the number of professionals.
For example
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, Indonesia has faced a deficient number of doctors. With the high quantity of medical
students
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, the Indonesian
government
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 presumes that there will be
lot
Change the article
a lot
show examples
 of doctors in the future. When the doctor graduate does not
work
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 in Indonesia,
this
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 has drawn criticism from both
government
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 and society.
However
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, there are no mandatory rules that
students
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 have to pursue their career in the state of their school. Indeed, the facilities from the
government
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 are provided, but it is not available for anyone who undertakes the profession. In most cases, to get a scholarship from the
government
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,
people
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 need to compete with lots of
people
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 and the possibility rate is low.
For example
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, Indonesia offers LPDP scholarships for student candidates.
However
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, it is not that easy to get the funding. The possibility of obtaining the scholarship is quite low.
Additionally
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, the
country
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 can not force the
students
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 because there are no rules or commitments from
students
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 to
work
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 in some places after graduation. In conclusion, even though some states require a high number of certain professions in the
country
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,
that
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is
Verb problem
does
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 not mean that student should
work
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 in their
country
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.
Moreover
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, the
government
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also
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 does not give undemanding facilities for the candidate. Sometimes,
people
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 can grow up in the different
country
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 they study before. As long as the
students
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 never give any written commitment to the
government
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 or there are no mandatory rules, in my opinion,
people
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 can
work
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 everywhere they want to
work
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.

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task response
Try to elaborate more on the counter-argument to show a balanced view and enhance your critical thinking perspectives.
coherence cohesion
Ensure every paragraph transition is smoother to improve the flow of the essay. This will help to logically connect ideas better.
coherence cohesion
Provide more specific examples or evidence to support each argument to strengthen your points further.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and presents a clear position, which helps to give a strong ending to your essay.
task achievement
The essay presents clear and comprehensive ideas that address both sides of the argument, showing good task achievement.
coherence cohesion
Well-structured introduction that sets up the essay and presents your opinion clearly.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • professionals
  • doctors
  • engineers
  • required
  • training
  • home country
  • cultural
  • linguistic
  • advantages
  • economic impact
  • free
  • another country
  • globalization
  • international collaboration
  • improving
  • skills
  • knowledge
  • experience
  • opinion
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