IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

In the future, more people will choose to go on holidays in their own country and not travel abroad on holiday? Do you ageree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.

#future #people #holidays #country #travel #holiday #ageree
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There is a statement that in the
future
 many folks prefer going on vacations in their own nation rather than traveling to another nation during the
holiday
.
Thus
, I still feel that
people
 will go to other
countries
 on
day
Add an article
a day
show examples
 off in the
future
 for two main reasons.
Firstly
, as a human being, it is clearly known that
people
 have a sense of curiosity. Rather than doing the same activity, they tend to do a new thing.
Consequently
, they will get some new knowledge from that. In line with that,
people
 will learn something when they explore the new destination of their life.
For instance
, folks will always be visiting new places in the
future
, including other
countries
 as they can try dishes from different cultures, identify landmarks around the world, and find new friends from other
countries
.
Secondly
, because of globalization, humans can easily browse on the internet how much the price is to travel to other nations.
Therefore
, they can compare the price of a
holiday
 in their own nation and
other country
Change the wording
another country
other countries
show examples
. In some conditions, the cost of a
holiday
 abroad is cheaper than domestically.
For example
, during Seclusion Day, the cost to visit Bali will be higher than on general days, so many Indonesians do not go there and will travel to Malaysia. The government
also
 is one crucial part of that situation. Nowadays, tourists become the major income in some
countries
.
Thus
, they will give so many discounts to attract tourist from other
countries
 to come to their land. In conclusion, the statement that said in the
future
people
 tend to
holiday
 in their own country should hardly believe as a human being,
people
 have a sense of curiosity.
Therefore
, I believe that folks in the
future
 still go to other
countries
 to learn about something new and sometimes the cost
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
holiday
Correct article usage
a holiday
show examples
 in other nations is cheaper in some conditions.
Submitted by alfathemaster on

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grammar
Make sure to proofread for minor grammatical and phrasing errors to improve clarity.
task response
Develop each point more thoroughly with additional examples and explanations to strengthen the argument.
cohesion
Ensure smooth transitions between paragraphs and ideas to improve the flow of the essay.
task response
Good attempt at addressing both sides of the argument and providing reasons and examples.
cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, summarizing the main points effectively.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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