In the past, most people lived in small villages where everyone knew everyone else. Nowadays most people live in large cities where they only know a few people in their area. What do you think were the advantages and disadvantages of living in a small community?
Previously, many folks lived in suburban where everyone knew each
others
. Recently, they tend to live in metropolitan Change to a singular noun
other
area
where they only know some people. Maintaining Fix the agreement mistake
areas
relation
between each Fix the agreement mistake
relations
others
and diminishing Change to a singular noun
other
individual’s
Change noun form
individual
privacy
respectively become the advantages and disadvantages of living in a private community, here are some of my outlines.
Firstly
, the advantages of living in a narrow area enhances
Change the verb form
enhance
human’s
Change noun form
human
relation
as a social human Fix the agreement mistake
relations
being
, particularly in the villages. Generally, people Fix the agreement mistake
beings
live
around there have a tradition to withstand their bonding through traditional activity. Correct pronoun usage
who live
For instance
, In Bali, there is a culture called “Menyama Braya” in some districts. Menyama Braya occurs when Balinese folks assist their neighboors
to prepare a Correct your spelling
neighbours
religion
ritual and reversely give back again to Replace the word
religious
others
. Thus
, it increases community’s
advancement and Correct article usage
the community’s
finally
implies to
Change preposition
apply
a
positive effects Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
to
society.
Change preposition
on
Secondly
, the disadvantages of living in small
community decrease the level of Correct article usage
a small
privacy
. Privacy
is one of the crucial things that human
must have since it includes some private information which can be either sensitive or confidential for the owner. Fix the agreement mistake
humans
For example
, scientific research states if human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
digs
deeply Correct subject-verb agreement
dig
to
each Change preposition
into
others
about their private information can decline the level of trust because of Change to a singular noun
other
the
uncomfortable Correct article usage
apply
feeling
. That the proof of the negative implication of deep Fix the agreement mistake
feelings
connection
Fix the agreement mistake
connections
amongs
society that makes miscommunication Correct your spelling
among
amongst
and
less Correct word choice
apply
of
Change preposition
apply
attractiveness
.
In conclusion, strong Replace the word
attractive
relation
and lack of Replace the word
relationships
individual’s
Change noun form
individual
privacy
are the dual opposites sides when encountering social community. Every person must consider their circumstances, in
which can bring a positive growth development.Change preposition
apply
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clarity
To improve clarity, ensure each sentence contributes directly to the main point of the paragraph. Avoid repetition and unrelated details.
grammar
Focus on using a variety of sentence structures to make your writing more engaging and dynamic.
task response
Ensure that all examples provided are directly related to the main point. Occasionally, the essay introduces examples that may not fully support the argument.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving the transition between ideas and sentences. This will enhance the overall readability and flow of the essay.
conclusion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes the main points of the essay, tying them back to the essay prompt.
task response
You provided specific examples, such as 'Menyama Braya,' which illustrate the cultural context and support your argument.
task achievement
The essay addresses both the advantages and disadvantages of living in a small community, ensuring a balanced discussion.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite