Research shows that some activities are good for health and others are bad.Despite knowing that millions of people engage in unhealthy activites. What is the cause of this? What can be done?
Nowadays, new
sports
have been published by individuals. Some studies demonstrate that some sports
are beneficial, while
others have drawbacks for our health. However
, a diverse range of people are encouraged to do these unhealthy activities, and they notice its hazards. In this
essay, I will illustrate the hazards and how to tackle them.
To begin
with, a diverse range of sports
can have side effects over time, such
as boxing and wrestling. These sports
have a wide range of fans between young and old ages. Moreover
, the income from these sports
is massive. For instance
, the fight of the era was between Floyd and Habeebovic. The winner was awarded about three hundred million dollars. In addition
, they are fighting for glory and money without considering the consequences. It also
proved that sports
players who play violent activities are more affected by brain cancer disease. Likely Mohamed Ali, he was the best wrestler ever. However
, he retired at an early age because he was diagnosed with brain damage.
A possible solution would be affording more safety measures to tackle the risk of injury. The government should impose penalties and charge them more taxes to diminish the proliferation of these sports
. Furthermore
, they can reduce the match rounds and time. This
can help in alleviating the amount of punches. Ultimately, a wide spectrum of countries has forbidden this
type of sport likewise
Norway. They also
banned them from any funds or privileges.
In conclusion, the government should play a critical role in this
issue. It should apply penalties on these types of sports
as a result
it can be the watcher especially the kids will be violent. The players should be more responsible for their health and not be tempted by glory and money.Submitted by mohannadsme on
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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea. For instance, you can dedicate one paragraph to discussing why people participate in unhealthy activities and another to potential solutions.
task achievement
Present a thorough argument with diverse perspectives. While you have a good start, expanding on the reasons why people pursue these activities despite the health risks would strengthen your response.
coherence cohesion
Check for language accuracy and clarity. Phrases like 'affording more safety measures' could be more clearly expressed as 'implementing more safety measures.'
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are clear and provide a good framework for your essay.
task achievement
You provide relevant examples, like the mention of famous fighters, which make your arguments more compelling.
task achievement
Your essay addresses both the causes and solutions for the issue, which aligns well with the task requirements.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?