IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts below show the changes in ownership of electrical appliances and amount of time spent doing housework in households in one country between 1920 and 2019.

The charts below show the changes in ownership of electrical appliances and amount of time spent doing housework in households in one country between 1920 and 2019.
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The second
chart
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 depicts the number of
hours
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 of housework in each family on a weekly basis from 1920 to 2019, and the first
chart
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 compares the figures for the percentages of
electrics
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electricity
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 used by three electrical appliances in the same period of time.
Overall
Linking Words
, the number of
hours
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 of family doing housework experienced a significant decline over the whole period,
while
Linking Words
 the percentage of
electric
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electricity
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 used by
refrigerator
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refrigerators
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 had the greatest growth of all.
According to
Linking Words
 the second
chart
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, the number of
hours
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 of housework decreased significantly from its peak of 50
hours
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 in 1920 to 20
hours
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 in 1960, followed by a slight decline until 2019.
According to
Linking Words
 the first
chart
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, in 1920,
washing
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the washing
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machine
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machines
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 had the largest units of electric consumption of all electrical appliances. It increased gradually from 40 in 1920 to 70 in 1960, fluctuating around 70 over the following years.
In contrast
Linking Words
,
refrigerator
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refrigerators
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 rocketed dramatically from merely 1 in 1920 to 100 in 1980, followed by a levelling off. Regarding vacuum
cleaner
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cleaners
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, it
also
Linking Words
 rose rapidly from 30 in 1920 to 100 in 2000, which reached a joint point with
refrigerator
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refrigerators
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.
Then
Linking Words
 it remained unchanged until 2019.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "according to".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words chart, hours with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decline" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "significant" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • ownership
  • electrical appliances
  • housework
  • time frame
  • variables
  • trends
  • significant milestones
  • turning points
  • correlation
  • reduction
  • influenced
  • societal implications
  • quality of life
  • gender roles
  • economic implications
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