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Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

Children are facing more pressure from academic, social and commercial perspectives. What are the causes of such pressure? What measures can be taken to reduce it?

#children #pressure #perspectives #measures
Nowadays, more burdens have been added to the youths. These burdens are from studying, socialising and financial issues. These put them under pressure,and they will not be able to endure
this
. In
this
 essay, I will illustrate the causes and the measurements that can be done to tackle it.
To begin
 with, A wide range of adolescents are struggling
due to
 the commitments and the duties that they are involved in. The universities are imposing more assignments and clinical work.
However
, they can not terminate it in time and they feel that they will lose marks. The exams
also
 are complicated and need more time to be studied.
In addition
, there is peer pressure which can be a dilemma for them. They feel that their family should foster them
instead
 of frustrating them. Ultimately, adults are aware of their families and how their families are sacrificing for them. They are forbidden from any entertainment to provide the money for their children.
Furthermore
, a wide range of solutions can be implemented. A possible solution would be reducing the unnecessary subjects.
For instance
, In Egypt, they do not involve music, language and sports subjects in the final marks. Moving
further
, the government can impose subsidies and incentives for their citizens.
This
 can enhance their life quality and alleviate any burden with them.
For example
, during the epidemic of coronavirus. The German government published fund compensations for their citizens. In conclusion, our kids are too young to endure any load. They are still young and have the right to delight their age and enjoy playing with their relatives. The government should play a vital role in
this
 issue and be responsible more for their youths.
Submitted by mohannadsme on

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clear comprehensive ideas
Ensure all sentences are grammatically correct and clear, which will improve the overall clarity and comprehensiveness of your ideas.
relevant specific examples
Provide specific and detailed examples to support your points. This will make your arguments more convincing and relevant.
logical structure
Organize your essay by using clear topic sentences and logical sequencing of ideas. This enhances the coherence and cohesion of your essay.
complete response
Your essay provides a thorough examination of the causes of pressure faced by children and suggests several measures to address it.
introduction conclusion present
There is a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing your essay.
supported main points
The main points are generally well-supported with explanations and examples, making your essay more convincing.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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