IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

It must be a woman who stays at home to care for children. Men are not suited to this kind of work. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your knowledge or experience.

#woman #home #care #children #men #work
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the no denying the fact that children are very important .
while
Linking Words
 commonly held belief that
women
Use synonyms
's work is very necessary for their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
. opinion I consider that controversial it is not an easy answer to the question but I will display the advantages and disadvantages of all sides and discuss both sides and I will draw my personal conclusion. some people say have to stay in their homes to raise their children
this
Linking Words
 position for society and organized In my country, there are people
say
Correct pronoun usage
who say
show examples
going to
Verb problem
they have
show examples
 the same opinion but when you ask them if your daughter will go to school you prefer male or female to teach them . are will says female so must
women
Use synonyms
 job task
on the other hand
Linking Words
, say have
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
person industry that best for them
for example
Linking Words
 when
women
Use synonyms
 work are will
be help
Change the verb form
help
show examples
their families and useful to the economy. in my opinion, I am going to must job
women
Use synonyms
 if she needs it and make their decision by themselves because that personal thing and they should be studying to get a degree
for example
Linking Words
 my mother has
bachelor's
Correct article usage
a bachelor's
show examples
 but
was
Verb problem
has
show examples
 not worked for 15 years she said I like to task after
then
Linking Words
 she is working the degree is protect for her.
Submitted by azoz4001 on

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coherence cohesion
Work on creating clear topic sentences for each paragraph to improve logical structure and make the essay easier to follow.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each main point is well-supported with relevant examples and explanations to strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Avoid grammatical and spelling errors by proofreading your work or using tools to check for mistakes.
task achievement
Expand on your ideas to provide a clearer and more comprehensive response to the essay prompt.
task achievement
Addresses both sides of the argument, which shows an attempt to provide a balanced view.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Gender roles
  • Empathy
  • Nurturing
  • Emotional intelligence
  • Caregiving
  • Paternal leave
  • Equality
  • Stereotype
  • Societal norms
  • Dual-income families
  • Stay-at-home dads
  • Cultural evolution
  • Economic considerations
  • Skill sets
  • Traditional roles
What to do next:
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