Stress is now a major problem in many countries around the world. What are some of the factors in modern society that cause this stress, and how can we reduce it? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.
In the contemporary era, it is becoming increasingly difficult to ignore the problem of the spread of stress in communities, especially modern ones. To make matters worse, the number of societies that have been affected by it is rocketing;
therefore
, this
essay will investigate the causes and solutions of this
problem.
Firstly
, one of the most paramount importance causes of this
issue is the pressure of financial responsibilities such
as paying bills, rent, children’s expenses, and government taxes. These are only mentioned as examples, as the responsibilities are more significant. Not only parents who have this
issue but also
students of different ages on the grounds that they have to do exams and homework which should be submitted before a determined deadline. Secondly
, another essential cause is being dissatisfied with life and its style. To illustrate, when someone dislikes his/her body shape, academic level, or lifestyle, he/she will focus on improving it. As a result
, this
person will be fully stressed due to
the fact that he/she wants to be perfect, unique and wonderful.
There are many solutions to overcome this
issue. To begin
with, governments should lower costs and help needy families. Secondly
, schools and universities must achieve a balance between homework, quizzes, and tests. Lastly
, all people need to acknowledge that there is not an
ideal person; Rephrase
no
nevertheless
, that does not mean not to
be ambitious and stop trying to Fix the infinitive
apply
fulfil improvement
in our Wrong verb form
improve
life
, but our mental health should be a priority too.
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
To sum up
, stress clearly poses a significant threat to people, as it is caused by the enormous responsibility on people, and dreaming to be an exemplary person; on the contrary
, it is evident that this
problem can be alleviated by lowing costs and helping destitute families; furthermore
, prioritize our goals and look to it as chances , not a mandatory thing.Submitted by mariameissa23 on
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task achievement
While your essay identifies relevant factors causing stress and proposes solutions, try to make your examples more specific and detailed to enrich your arguments. For instance, instead of mentioning 'children's expenses', you could elaborate on specific costs such as education or healthcare.
coherence cohesion
There are minor grammatical issues and awkward phrasing in your essay. For clearer expression, review your sentences to ensure that they are both grammatically correct and fluid in structure. For instance, 'these are only mentioned as examples, as the responsibilities are more significant' can be rephrased for better clarity.
coherence cohesion
Work on transitioning smoothly between your points. While you have clear ideas, some transitions between paragraphs and sentences could be more fluid to enhance the overall flow.
structure
Your essay has a clear structure, with a logical flow from identifying the issue to discussing its causes and then proposing solutions.
introduction conclusion
Introduction and Conclusion are well developed, providing a clear framework for your discussion and summarizing your points effectively.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example