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Writing Samples
Band 5

In many countries today, the eating habits and lifestyle of children are different from those of previous generations. Some people say this has had a negative effect on their health. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

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Nowadays, we can observe that kids have changed their customs in aspects
as
Correct quantifier usage
such as
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food
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 consumption and physical exercise.
This
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 essay will explain why many people claim that
this
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 scenario involves potential risks
for
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to
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 their health,
expousing
Correct your spelling
exposing
 the reasons why I partially agree with
this
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 belief.
Firstly
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, it is interesting to notice that the new generations are eating more fast
food
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 than ever, considering that the scientific literature
converge
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converges
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 in holding a correlation
of
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between
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this
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trend
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 and health problems.
In contrast
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, their parent's generation was nurtured under sharply different
habits
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, developing a sense of the taste diverse and ample. Meanwhile, the new generations have opted for more
hyperpalatable
Correct your spelling
hyper palatable
hyper-palatable
 alternatives,
such
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 as burgers or pizza. The outcome of
this
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 is that never before we have consumed as
many
Replace the quantifier
much
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 fast
food
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 as today,
although
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 it can be partially explained by factors like the disposition of resources and the growth of
this
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 type of
food
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 industry. Unfortunately, the mentioned
trend
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 is complemented
with
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by
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 another negative new habit, namely, the decrease
of
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in
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 the
time
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destined to
Verb problem
spent
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 playing sports amongst younger people. Probably, people in their thirties and forties are part of the
last
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 generation who played analogical games
and
Correct word choice
apply
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with mechanical toys.
Additionally
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, the
time
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 spent
in
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apply
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exploring the natural environment has diminished dramatically for children. One of the main reasons behind
this
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trend
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 has to do with the tendency
of replacing
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to replace
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 the
time
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 for playing outdoors with
time
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 for playing online.
Also
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, it is true that many parents have less free
time
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due to
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 their jobs
for
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apply
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playing with their children, which has had negative effects on the
habits
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 inherited from one generation to another.
To sum up
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, the new generations are showing different
habits
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,
being
Unnecessary verb
apply
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most of them risky for their health.
Nevertheless
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, many other social transformations,
such
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 as the parent's leisure
time
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 decrease or the development of fast
food
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 industries, are impacting
on
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apply
show examples
our context as a whole. For these reasons, I partially agree with the opinion which claims that the new
habits
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 amongst children are risky
,
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apply
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 because have reduced the consumption of healthy foods and the physical effort, without forgiving the context where
this
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trend
Use synonyms
 is happening.

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clarity advice
Consider simplifying some of your sentences. Long sentences with multiple clauses can sometimes be hard to follow and may obscure your main point.
structure advice
Make sure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that concisely summarizes the main point of the paragraph. This helps the reader follow your argument more easily.
example advice
While your arguments are well-thought-out, adding more specific examples or data could make your points more persuasive and concrete.
accuracy advice
There are minor grammatical and lexical issues, such as the incorrect usage of "expousing" which should be "expounding". Also look for small errors like "have reduced" which should be "has reduced" in your conclusion.
argumentation highlight
You provide a balanced view and fairly address both sides of the argument, which shows a nuanced understanding of the issue.
organization highlight
The essay is generally well-organized, with a clear introduction and conclusion, making it easy to follow your line of reasoning.
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