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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar chart shows the number of visitors to three London Museums between 2007 and 2012. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar chart shows the number of visitors to three London Museums between 2007 and 2012. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The bar graph illustrates the total
tourists
Correct quantifier usage
number of tourists
show examples
 who visited
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
London’s three museums from 2007 to 2012 in millions.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is clear from the chart the majority of globetrotters liked
National
Correct article usage
the National
show examples
Gallery
Use synonyms
 and
Use synonyms
British
Correct article usage
the British
show examples
Use synonyms
museum
Capitalize word
Museum
show examples
 was the second choice.
Whereas
Linking Words
 travellers showed less interest in
Victoria
Correct article usage
the Victoria
show examples
 and Albert
Use synonyms
museum
Capitalize word
Museum
show examples
 in these years. It is conspicuous that the interest
showed
Wrong verb form
shown
show examples
 by the explorers 13
million
Use synonyms
, who watched the Victoria Albert
Use synonyms
museum
Capitalize word
Museum
show examples
 and the
British
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
museum
Capitalize word
Museum
show examples
 was in second spot
where
Rephrase
apply
show examples
people visited 12
million
Use synonyms
, where National
Gallery
Use synonyms
 was less choice among all backpackers in 2007. The
tourists
Correct quantifier usage
number of tourists
show examples
visited
Correct pronoun usage
who visited
show examples
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 the same in 2008 with a dramatic reduction took place
travel
Add the particle
to travel
show examples
 to
British
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
museum
Fix the agreement mistake
museums
show examples
 were 6
million
Use synonyms
, only National
Gallery
Use synonyms
 maintained
slight
Add an article
a slight
show examples
 upward trend in 2009 touched
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
7
million
Use synonyms
. Probing ahead, from 2010, the travellers increased to visit
National
Correct article usage
the National
show examples
Gallery
Use synonyms
 from 11
million
Use synonyms
 to 16
million
Use synonyms
 in 2012, which was
highest
Correct article usage
the highest
show examples
 among all the museums. The
British
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
museum
Capitalize word
Museum
show examples
 attracted the number of globetrotters that were 7
million
Use synonyms
 in 2010 and after
that
Add a comma
that,
show examples
 it
increased
Verb problem
apply
show examples
abruptly hit
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
16
million
Use synonyms
 in 2012.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the Victoria and Albert
Use synonyms
museum
Capitalize word
Museum
show examples
 recovered after
declined
Wrong verb form
declining
show examples
 in 2010 and touched
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
10
million
Use synonyms
 in 2012.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words gallery, british, museum, million with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "showed" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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