IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Given high unemployment rate, it is recommended that the government only provide primary education and no secondary education. What do you think?

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It is considered that the increase in unemployment is
due to
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 the ministry that only gives primary
education
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 and is not focussing on secondary
education
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.
However
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, I believe that both play a crucial role in gaining the job because it helps to groom the personality of individuals and make them choose their desired destinations. I will discuss my view in detail in
this
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 essay below.
To begin
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 with, those who blame the government are responsible for the high rate of unemployment because they only take primary
education
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 under consideration and do more work on it. It is the basic knowledge that everyone gets but is unable to tackle the practical problem that they come to know through secondary
education
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. At that age, they become more mature and learn new experiences of life through various subjects and learn how to spend their life in a better way. As in third-world countries because of a lack of focus on higher
education
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, there are a lot of problems in society.
Secondly
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, I believe that higher
education
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 is the
one
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that is
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 important to polish their
skills
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 it is crucial because
one
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 can come to know how to deal with various types of problems by maintaining personal
skills
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.
Also
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, to enhance their communication
skills
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 they deal with various types of people belonging to a variety of sectors. It is a transition between the basic and the
skills
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 they choose which play a significant role in their earning process as they go through a lot of interviews to secure their jobs
hence
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 it is vital to have higher
education
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.
For instance
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, students who have only primary
education
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 are not able to take admission to any medical college
therefore
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 unable to pursue their medical career. In conclusion, I disagree with the statement that primary
education
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 is the primary role to go
further
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 in their lives. So,
instead
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 of only focusing on primary
education
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, it is necessary to bring secondary
education
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 under consideration as it is the
one
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 in which
one
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 can select their career pathway.

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task achievement
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea that is expanded upon with specific examples and details. Your essay tends to make broad statements without delving deeply enough into examples that illustrate your points.
coherence cohesion
To enhance coherence, try to use a wider range of linking words and phrases to demonstrate the relationships between your ideas. Also, make sure that your ideas flow logically from one to the next, which will help to bring clarity to your argument.
task achievement
It's important that the essay addresses all parts of the prompt. Make sure to directly address the government's recommended change and provide a balanced argument, perhaps by considering the counter-argument, which would strengthen your task response score.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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