Task 2- Childhood obesity is an increasing problem in Australia as many as two thirds of children are now obese. Schools have a responsibility to monitor what their students eat and the amount of exercise they do. To what extend do you agree to this statemen
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In Australia, obesity among
children
is an increasing problem, and around two thirds
of Add a hyphen
two-thirds
children
are suffering from obesity. Some people argue that schools should take that responsibility to monitor what children
are eating, and how much exercise
they are doing. I completely agree with this
statement because children
spend a significant amount of time
at school
, and both parents
are working and therefore
, they cannot manage enough time
to look after their children
.
Children
spend a large amount of time
at their school
. They spend around 7 to 8 hours in
a day at Change preposition
apply
school
. They come to school
in the early morning and leave in the afternoon. They study at school
, have lunch and enjoy their leisure time
. Therefore
, it is easier for the school
authority to monitor what children
are eating, whether they participate in daily exercise
or not, and how much exercise
they are doing. For example
, in Japan, children
spend around &.5 hours in their school
, and therefore
, the school
authority provides them with healthy lunch and monitors whether they are eating properly.
In addition
, nowadays, in almost every family, both parents
are working. Parents
are very busy to maintain their work-life balance, and they cannot manage enough time
to spend with their children
and look after them. Therefore
, they mainly depend on schools to look after their children
, and schools should have that responsibility to look after the well-being of children
and monitor their exercise
and food habit
. Fix the agreement mistake
habits
For example
, in Australia, both parents
or carers of a child work and come home from work at late night. Therefore
, they cannot properly monitor the well-being of their children
.
In conclusion, I completely agree with this
viewpoint that food
and Correct article usage
the food
exercise
habits of children
should be monitored at school
. Parents
are busy and children
spend a large amount of time
at school
.Submitted by rahman_rehana on
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task achievement
Work on providing a more balanced argument by acknowledging opposing viewpoints to strengthen your position.
coherence cohesion
Ensure the consistent accuracy of your language, though small inaccuracies are understandable, maintaining accuracy enhances clarity.
task achievement
The introduction clearly outlines the topic and presents a clear position.
coherence cohesion
Well-organized paragraphs with clear main points support the argument consistently throughout the essay.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite