IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The most important aim of science should be to improved people's lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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It is said that the most important of
science
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 should be to enhance
people
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's quality of life. I strongly agree with
this
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, because of the undeniable importance of well-being.
Firstly
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, in
this
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 modern world, the speed of population growth is inevitably increasing, which results in the construction of megacities.
This
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 overpopulation has caused some difficulties
such
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 as spreading new or eradicated diseases, which in turn, can influence significantly
people
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's lives. Humankind needs to employ
science
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 to be able to relieve pain and problems caused by
such
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 diseases.
For example
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, in recent years, great achievements were accomplished by the vaccination industry when humans were faced with a big challenge called the Coronavirus.
This
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 indicates that improving the public's quality of life should be considered the priority of
science
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.
In addition
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, nowadays, the lack of adequate
time
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 for
people
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 to complete their home tasks is another
challenege
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challenge
 which individuals have faced, and
this
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 has had negative impacts on
people
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's lives.
This
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 challenge is the result of a new lifestyle which requires to
people
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 be engaged a great deal of their
time
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 in work.
This
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 lack of enough
time
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 can easily
overwhelme
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overwhelm
overwhelmed
people
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.
As a result
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, the level of anxiety and
nervous
Replace the word
nervousness
show examples
 may increase and
people
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's mental health would
put
Add a missing verb
be put
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 at risk. With the help of scientific successes in various fields,
such
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 as robotics,
people
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 can save more
time
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, leading to stable mental health.
For example
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, by using robotic vacuum cleaners, simple and repetitive domestic tasks can be done,
as a result
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, more important tasks can be completed by individuals.
Finally
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,
people
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 feel more
relax
Wrong verb form
relaxed
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 and calm. In conclusion, it is true that
science
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 has had great achievements in each area, I strongly believe that the main purpose of
science
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 should be to improve
people
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's quality of life . Because
this
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 modern world has put unprecedented pressure on
people
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's mental and physical health.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure consistency in sentence structure to improve the flow of your ideas. For instance, pay attention to minor grammatical inaccuracies such as 'challenege' instead of 'challenge' and 'overwhleme' instead of 'overwhelm.'
task achievement
Although you provided relevant examples, adding more specific details can make your arguments stronger.
coherence cohesion
Varying your sentence structure and using a wider range of vocabulary can enhance the readability and quality of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear and logical structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task achievement
You provided relevant examples, such as the Coronavirus and robotic vacuum cleaners, to support your main points.
task achievement
Your arguments were clear and comprehensive, effectively addressing the prompt.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • crucial role
  • technological advancements
  • medical discoveries
  • life-changing inventions
  • innovations
  • solutions to human problems
  • enhancing quality of life
  • improvement of healthcare
  • transportation
  • communication
  • agriculture
  • energy sectors
  • eradication of diseases
  • prolongation of life expectancy
  • global challenges
  • climate change
  • overpopulation
  • food security
  • developed world
  • underprivileged communities
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