IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Should wealthy nations be required to share their wealth among poorer nations by providing such things as food and education? Or is it the responsibility of the governments of poorer nations to look after their citizens themselves? Use your own ideas, knowledge and experience and support your arguments with examples and with relevant evidence.

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In the contemporary world, the controversy surrounding the importance of supporting poor
nations
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 has been a prominent topic.
While
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 some people believe that the governments of poorer
nations
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 should take the responsibility to tackle
this
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 issue, others argue that rich
countries
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 must help by providing essential resources
such
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 as food or education. From my perspective, a collaborative approach is required. On the one hand, it is undeniable that affluent
nations
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 have a moral responsibility to assist impoverished
nations
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. In fact, the disparity between rich and poor
countries
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 is often a result of historical exploitation and unequal power dynamics, where opulent
nations
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benefited
Wrong verb form
benefit
show examples
 at the expense of poorer ones.
For instance
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, colonialism significantly contributed to the underdevelopment of many
nations
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 in Africa and Asia.
As a result
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, providing aid in the form of food and education can be seen as a form of reparative justice, helping to rectify past wrongs and promote global equality.
on the other hand
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, it is of paramount importance for the governments of underprivileged
nations
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 to take primary responsibility for their citizens.
Due to
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 the fact that dependence on external aids can lead to a lack of initiatives and perpetuate a cycle of dependency, effective governance and sustainable development policies are essential for long-term growth.
For example
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,
countries
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 like South Korea and Singapore have demonstrated that with the right policies and governance, rapid development is possible, even without substantial external aid. In conclusion, the debate on improving the situation of poorer
countries
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 with the assistance of wealthier
nations
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 highlights the need for a balanced and comprehensive strategy.
While
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 internal policies play a crucial role in promoting a country, they should be integrated into broader international aid.
This
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 holistic approach is more likely to yield significant and sustainable improvements in underdeveloped
countries
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.

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task achievement
While the essay provides a clear response to the prompt, it would benefit from expanding on specific examples and evidence. For instance, referencing concrete instances of aid improving conditions in underdeveloped nations or discussing more precise policies that poor nations could implement would strengthen the argument.
coherence cohesion
The essay is generally coherent and logically structured. However, varying the transition phrases and ensuring consistency in capitalization and punctuation (e.g., 'on the other hand' should be 'On the other hand') will enhance readability and flow.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction and conclusion are well-presented, clearly setting up the argument and summarizing the key points effectively.
supported main points
The arguments are generally well-supported, with relevant examples illustrating the main points.
clear comprehensive ideas
The ideas presented are comprehensive and relevant to the prompt, showcasing a clear understanding of the topic.
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