IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Nowadays, most people try to balance between work and other part of lives. Unfortunately, not many achieve this balance. What problems does this cause? Can you suggest some solutions to this issue?

#people #balance #work #part #lives
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
First
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
work
very
Add a missing verb
is very
show examples
 important in
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
, they need the salary and they need to
feeling
Change the verb
feel
show examples
 in them self's and the
another
Correct quantifier usage
other
show examples
 part of life
is starting
Wrong verb form
starts
show examples
 when work time is over , and the person should be able to complete the day ,
also
 his family requires
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
him the focus very well.
from
Change the preposition
in
show examples
 my opinion , the job and the socially important thing and no one can
gives
Change the verb form
give
show examples
 up , and he should develop himself to balance
between
Change preposition
apply
show examples
this thing
Fix the agreement mistake
these things
show examples
Submitted by amenaalkhwaja80 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, ensure that your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion. This provides a logical framework and makes your argument easier to follow.
task achievement
Incorporate more specific examples to support your points. This helps to illustrate your arguments and makes them more convincing.
general advice
Pay attention to sentence structure and grammar. Improving these areas will help your ideas come across more clearly and professionally.
coherence cohesion
Use transitional phrases to connect your ideas more smoothly, such as 'Additionally,' 'Furthermore,' and 'In conclusion,'
task achievement
Clarify your main points and make sure each paragraph has a central idea. This will make your essay easier to understand and more impactful.
task achievement
You have touched on the importance of both work and personal life, which is relevant to the topic.
task achievement
Your recognition of the need for balance and development shows a good understanding of the issue.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: