At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?
Currently, some nations have a greater number of young
adults
as compared to that of the
elderly Correct article usage
apply
people
. In my view, I believe that indeed the advantages of this
state outweigh the drawbacks, as will be stated in this
essay.
On the one hand, a country
with many young adults
has a bright future because they are are
still full of energy and can continue to work for the Remove the redundancy
apply
nation
. Many nations are full of wise and rich doctors, lawyers, teachers
, just to mention a few. These brains put together will work to make a Correct word choice
and teachers
nation
great. Further
Add a comma
Further,
this
means that the nation
has fresh and energetic blood. For example
, in Toronto, the percentage of young adults
was higher than that of elderly
, meaning that the Correct article usage
the elderly
nation
has a bright future. Additionally
, the young adults
are still in the business of making babies. The country
's next generation is still being built which is a good thing. In addition
, when elders are few, a little sum of money is set aside for them as elderly people
are always sick and need attention
Correct word choice
medical attention
medically
. The fewer the elderly the better.
Rephrase
apply
On the other hand
, when a country
has few older people
, the cultures and the
customs are lost and forgotten. Young Correct article usage
apply
people
tend to be wild because there are a few mento
or no mentos at all. Change to a plural noun
mentos
Furthermore
, a nation
with less
elders has no proper guidance.
In conclusion, nowadays countries have more younger Change the quantifier
fewer
adults
as compared to the
older Correct article usage
apply
people
. This
is an advantage to the
society because the more the younger Correct article usage
apply
people
the richer the nation
because they are full of young, fast blood and they can work and develop the country
. They also
will create the next generation by making babies. Finally
, lesser
elders means Correct word choice
fewer
lesser
expenses because the old Correct word choice
fewer
people
are always sick and will always need help health-wise.Submitted by pncubeterera on
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task response
Try to provide more balanced arguments by dedicating equal attention to both advantages and disadvantages in the main body paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single clear idea to maintain better coherence.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clearly presented, effectively outlining the main argument.
task response
The essay addresses the prompt directly and provides relevant examples to support the arguments.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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