Some people think that internet is shrinking our world with its tremendous benefits. Others argue that it has major adverse consequences for the course of human civilization due to its negative effects on family relationship. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Some
people
Use synonyms
imply that our world is narrowened by the
internet
Use synonyms
's fabulous utilities,
while
Linking Words
others suggest that it possesses major contrary outcomes in terms course of human
civilization
Use synonyms
due to
Linking Words
its negatory influences on family bonds.I believe
Use synonyms
internet
Add an article
the internet
show examples
makes some sources convenient and accessible
besides
Linking Words
its many other pros,
although
Linking Words
it
also
Linking Words
aggravates human
civilization
Use synonyms
. Nowadays,it is significantly effortless for mankind to obtain the information they require
in addition
Linking Words
to socialising just by sending messages or doing
facetimes
Correct your spelling
facetime
with each other.
This
Linking Words
would eventually lead to shrinking as
face to face
Add a hyphen
face-to-face
show examples
meetings became rare in
this
Linking Words
society.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
internet
Add an article
the internet
show examples
is not
distrubuted
Correct your spelling
distributed
evenly to all parts of the world because of some capitalist aspects and rules.In Africa,
for instance
Linking Words
,
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
widespread research was carried out relating to what
propotion
Correct your spelling
proportion
of humans have technological devices and can reach
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Internet
Use synonyms
.
Results
Correct article usage
The results
show examples
were devastating as only 5% of
people
Use synonyms
could access the
Internet
Use synonyms
.
In other words
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
in Africa would not be able to
put
Verb problem
take into
show examples
account the gorgeous aspects of
Use synonyms
Internet
Add an article
the Internet
show examples
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,most of today's children are relatively addicted to
Use synonyms
Internet
Add an article
the Internet
show examples
which
lead
Change the verb form
leads
show examples
to poor family relationships.Should not
this
Linking Words
become a common concern for many families
.
Change the punctuation
?
show examples
If I were them,I would restrict their use of
Use synonyms
Internet
Add an article
the Internet
show examples
as much as possible as
this
Linking Words
would probably
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
a negative impact on
civilization
Use synonyms
.Based on
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
research being carried out in recent
year
Fix the agreement mistake
years
show examples
,it is observed that many children have been becoming respectless and thoughtless.
This
Linking Words
means when they grow up they would not have a good intention for
his
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
civilization
Use synonyms
because of the lack of respect and attention given. In conclusion,I strongly
contemplate
Verb problem
believe
show examples
that
Use synonyms
Internet
Correct article usage
the Internet
show examples
should be used ,because of its limitless benefits as soon as
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
know how to stop it.
However
Linking Words
,some countries
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
not surely going to be capable of using
Use synonyms
Internet
Add an article
the Internet
show examples
due to
Linking Words
poor conditions.Those
people
Use synonyms
would be poor and ignorant but they would become aware of themselves and their environment from
their
Change the word
an
show examples
early age.
Submitted by kabzop on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

introduction conclusion present
Ensure the introduction clearly outlines both sides of the argument and concludes with a clear thesis statement that previews the structure of the essay. Your introduction jumps into the topic too quickly without smoothly setting up the context.
logical structure
Work on paragraph structure to enhance logical flow. Currently, the essay feels disjointed and jumps between points without clear transitions. Each paragraph should have a clear topic sentence followed by supporting sentences that elaborate on the point.
supported main points
Ensure each main point is clearly supported with detailed examples or reasoning. The essay has some good examples, but they can be better developed to clearly tie back to the main argument or further illustrated with more relevant detail.
complete response
Clearly state your opinion and ensure it is consistently referred to throughout the essay. Reinforce your perspective in the conclusion by summarizing the main points you discussed and how they support your stance.
clear comprehensive ideas
Some parts of your essay could benefit from clearer phrasing and more coherent sentence structure. Work on expressing your ideas more clearly and concisely, and check your work for grammatical errors and awkward phrasing.
complete response
You have demonstrated a good understanding of the topic and attempted to address both views, which is commendable.
relevant specific examples
The essay includes relevant examples, such as the reference to Africa which adds depth to your discussion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: