Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to cooperate rather than compete become more useful adults. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
While
some people
argue that competition
should motivate children
, others
believe that they should be taught how to cooperate, rather than compete, for adulthood. From my point of view, although
both play a significant role in the
Correct article usage
apply
children
’s education, cooperation
is more crucial to their social and personal development
as a future
adult.
Firstly
, competition
is believed to be an essential subject for children
to deal with an
extremely competitive society. They argue that Change preposition
in an
children
will learn how to handle frustration
of losses, to have discipline, and will help them to know how to improve their Add an article
the frustration
development
to achieve success in the future
, in areas such
as academics and the workplace, where competition
is prevalent..
Replace the punctuation
.
...
For instance
, it is well-known that competitive sports are beneficial to young people
because they learn how to overcome obstacles and how to improve their personal development
in the future
. Despite the benefits of competition
, I argue that children
need lessons in teamwork and cooperation
more than they need the drive to win.
On the other hand
, others
believe cooperation
is more valuable to children
’s education because they will be taught how to live in a society. Through cooperation
with others
, young people
can improve their social development
, dealing with and respecting different opinions, working in a team, and creating relationships not only in the future
at work but even with family and friends. For example
, preschools include cooperation
as one of the first skills in their curriculum as they recognize that it is a vital social skill in all spheres of life. For that reason, I believe that teaching young people
to cooperate with others
is more significant than giving them a sense of competition
.
To conclude
, many people
believe that children
should learn how to be competitive to help them succeed as adults, however
, I argue that teaching them how to be cooperative is more beneficial because give
them the ability to be part of a team and create relationships in the society, which is far more valuable later in life.Correct subject-verb agreement
gives
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task achievement
Consider expanding on the examples provided. Including specific examples can make your argument more compelling and show a clear connection between your points and real-life scenarios.
coherence cohesion
Work on refining the transitions between paragraphs to achieve even smoother flow. This will help maintain a seamless progression from one idea to another, enhancing the coherence of your essay.
task achievement
You provided a balanced discussion of both views, which showcases your understanding of the topic and the ability to develop a nuanced argument.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are clear and effectively frame the essay, reinforcing your overall argument.
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