IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3.5

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Write about the following topic. Pollution of rivers, lakes and seas is a major concern for people who seek to protect the environment. , and what effects does this have on animal life and human society? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should write at least 254 words.

#minutes #topic #pollution #rivers #lakes #seas #concern #people #environment #effects #life #society
Humans
 who find to protect the environment
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 a major concern
on
Change preposition
about
show examples
Correct article usage
the pollutions
show examples
pollutions
Fix the agreement mistake
pollution
show examples
 of
river
Fix the agreement mistake
rivers
show examples
, lakes and seas. In most cases water pollution is caused by littering and mechanical structures in our countries.
littering
Capitalize word
Littering
show examples
 can be swept away during rainy days or a storm,
all
Correct word choice
and all
show examples
 plastics or any physical hazards
goes
Change the verb form
go
show examples
to
Change preposition
into
show examples
 the
river
Fix the agreement mistake
rivers
show examples
,lakes and seas and
this
 harms all living things that
lives
Change the verb form
live
show examples
 in water.
For
example
Add a comma
example,
show examples
 many turtles and whales were stuck in nets and plastics were eaten by them that
causes
Wrong verb form
caused
show examples
 their life. Some were uploaded
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
youtube
Correct your spelling
YouTube
show examples
of
Change preposition
about
show examples
this
 kind of
situations
Fix the agreement mistake
situation
show examples
, people were trying to help those animals by cutting away the ropes that
make
Wrong verb form
made
show examples
 the whale difficult
in swimming
Change preposition
to swim
show examples
further
Rephrase
Furthermore
show examples
more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
a turtle
has
Wrong verb form
had
show examples
 a straw stuck on his nose and
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 saved by the
humans
.
Secondly
Rephrase
The second
show examples
 reason
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 oils coming from ships and
toxic
Replace the word
toxins
show examples
 coming from factories
flows
Wrong verb form
flowing
show examples
 in the water and some were being thrown intentionally in the sea,
this
 kills small
fishes
Fix the agreement mistake
fish
show examples
 and affects
humans
Change noun form
humans'
human's
show examples
 source of food and
incomes
Fix the agreement mistake
income
show examples
.
it
Capitalize word
It
show examples
 may cause
also
 food poisoning for
humans
 who
consumes
Correct subject-verb agreement
consume
show examples
 fish that are contaminated. I strongly conclude that government should strictly
inforce
Correct your spelling
enforce
 rules and give more attention and support to those people who seek to protect the environment.
Submitted by w.tedler on

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coherence cohesion
The essay generally addresses the topic but needs a clearer introduction and conclusion. The body paragraphs could be organized better, with each main point clearly separated. This will make the essay easier to follow.
coherence cohesion
Simple sentences with proper punctuation should be used to improve readability. Transition words and phrases could also help in linking the ideas smoothly.
task response
The essay could benefit from more comprehensive ideas and points. For instance, more specific examples and a broader range of issues could make the argument stronger.
task response
Avoid generalizations such as 'many turtles and whales' and try to provide specific data if possible. It will help in making the argument more credible.
task response
The essay addresses multiple causes of water pollution, including littering and mechanical structures, which shows an understanding of the topic.
task response
Relevant and relatable examples were used to illustrate points, such as the anecdote about the turtles and whales impacted by pollution.
task response
The essay shows a genuine concern for environmental issues, reflecting a considerate and thoughtful approach to the topic.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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