IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Several nations across the globe are experiencing a growth in
population
Add an article
the population
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 of individuals choosing to leave their hometown in the village to live in
cities
Use synonyms
. The population in rural regions is
therefore
Linking Words
 shrinking. I believe that
this
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 kind of situation is a sign of negative development, since it might cause the rise of
unemployment
Correct article usage
the unemployment
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rate
Use synonyms
 in
cities
Use synonyms
 and a decrease in workers
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 villages simultaneously. One of the most significant drawbacks of
such
Linking Words
phenomenon
Correct article usage
a phenomenon
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 is the increasing
rate
Use synonyms
 of unemployment in
cities
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.
People
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 who used to live in the countryside believed that there were lots of better job opportunities in
cities
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, especially in the capital city.
However
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, many of them are not supported by sufficient educational background, which makes them not qualified for
working
Replace the word
work
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 in the
cities
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. To illustrate, many urban in Jakarta, the capital city of Indonesia, ended up being unemployed after months
trying
Change preposition
of trying
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 to look for a suitable job and were forced to go back to their hometown by the government.
In addition
Linking Words
, the rising numbers of
people
Use synonyms
left
Wrong verb form
leaving
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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rural areas will
make
Verb problem
create
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 a deficit in
workforce
Add an article
the workforce
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 in
such
Linking Words
 particular
region
Fix the agreement mistake
regions
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.
This
Linking Words
 is
due to
Linking Words
 the lack of young
people
Use synonyms
, especially those
are
Correct pronoun usage
who are
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 in productive ages. Meanwhile, in the longer term, the elders in the village could no longer able to work.
Therefore
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, communities within countryside areas could not develop their own hometown which might lead to a growth in poverty
rate
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.
For instance
Linking Words
, there are several villages
in
Change preposition
on
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 Sulawesi Island in Indonesia experiencing
shortage
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a shortage
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 of rice
due to
Linking Words
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
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 of farmers, since more than half of the population are
people
Use synonyms
 above 50 years old and no young
people
Use synonyms
able
Add a missing verb
are able
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 to help them do the farming. In conclusion, the rising proportion of urban is a sign of negative development for the country.
Such
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 kind of trend will increase
Use synonyms
rate
Add an article
the rate
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 of unemployment in
cities
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
on the other hand
Linking Words
, there is a declining number of workforce in rural areas.

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grammar
Review grammatical rules to minimize errors, particularly in subject-verb agreement and article usage.
structure
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea that directly supports the thesis statement. Avoid overly long or complicated sentences.
task achievement
The essay provides a clear and relevant response to the prompt, addressing the negative impacts of rural-to-urban migration.
structure
The introduction and conclusion are well-structured and effectively frame the argument.
evidence
The essay employs relevant specific examples to support its main points, which enhances the overall argument.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • rural-to-urban migration
  • population shift
  • positive impact
  • negative impact
  • urbanization
  • job opportunities
  • access to education
  • access to healthcare
  • urban infrastructure
  • rural traditions
  • cultural heritage
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