IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below show the changes in ownership of electrical appliances and amount of time spent doing housework in households in one country between 1920 and 2019.

The chart below show the changes in ownership of electrical appliances and amount of time spent doing housework in households in one country between 1920 and 2019.
#show #changes #ownership #appliances #amount #time #housework #households #country
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The line charts
illustrates
Change the verb form
illustrate
show examples
proportions
Correct article usage
the proportions
show examples
 of
Correct your spelling
households
show examples
house holds
Correct your spelling
households
show examples
owning
Wrong verb form
own
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 washing machines, refrigerators and vacuum
cleanners
Correct your spelling
cleaners
while
Linking Words
 the
time
Use synonyms
 they used for
house work
Correct your spelling
housework
show examples
Correct your spelling
during
duringg
Correct your spelling
during
 the
time
Use synonyms
 period from 1920 to 2019 As can be clearly seen from the graph, the total spending
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
 utensils witnessed a
trong
Correct your spelling
strong
 surge, the opposite was true for the
time
Use synonyms
 quantity.
In addition
Linking Words
, refrigerators and
acuum
Correct your spelling
vacuum
 gained substantial popularity. As the graph
show
Change the form of the verb
shows
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, in 1920, very few households in
this
Linking Words
 country had refrigerators, with the figure standing at about 0%. The amount of
fridge
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fridges
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 peaked dramatically at 100% by 1980 and remained stable until 2019.
Similarly
Linking Words
, the figure for vacuum
cleanners
Correct your spelling
cleaners
 started at 30% and reached a peak of 100% in 2000. The number of
Linking Words
then
Correct your spelling
them
show examples
 levelled off by 2019.
In contrast
Linking Words
, the percentage of households with washing machines increased slightly between 1920 and 1960 from 40% to 70%. During a period of 20 years, dipping by around 5% and hit a
peaked
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peak
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 of 70% in 2019. As regards the second graph, the amount of
time
Use synonyms
 spent on housework including washing clothes, preparing meals and
cleanning
Correct your spelling
cleaning
 started at 50 hours in 1920. The figure
then
Linking Words
 fell sharply to 20 hours 40 years later. After 1960, it went down slowly, accounting for nearly 10%.
Submitted by quynhtranhbh on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words time with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • ownership
  • electrical appliances
  • housework
  • time frame
  • variables
  • trends
  • significant milestones
  • turning points
  • correlation
  • reduction
  • influenced
  • societal implications
  • quality of life
  • gender roles
  • economic implications
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