In some countries levels of health and fitness are decreasing and average weighs are increasing. What do you think are the causes of these problems and what are some possible solutions.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?

It is true that

people

, nowadays, have more experience of being overweight, and they

also

have bad levels of health and fitness. There are several causes of those problems which can be solved by some solutions. In recent years,

people

have become more inactive

due to

the advancement of technology. To illustrate, citizens prefer to stay in their rooms scroll social media, do their work on the bed on a laptop, and even buy their food online. These make them less productive and more passive

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

so that they will be more likely to have higher weights and bad levels of fitness.

Next,

people

also

choose to go to the office or school by car or motorcycle rather than walking or biking. It burns fewer calories and can cause an overweight. They will be easily injected by viruses or bacteria. In my perspective, there are several solutions that can be used to solve those aforementioned problems.

Firstly

people

can make their own schedule for doing regular exercise or joining sports clubs.

For instance

, currently, running has become a positive trend to gain good health. Youngsters, old

people

, and even workers are rarely joining

this

event. It can influence them to be more productive on their days off.

Secondly

, government or local councils can take the role of facilitators. They can offer great public transportation and repair public facilities. It will be a good option to lead citizens to use those and make them more active because they have to walk to the bus station or another type of public transportation shelter.

To conclude

, the increase in average weight and the decrease in the levels of health and fitness are caused by several factors. Some solutions can be used to cut those problems off.

Submitted by misstiasclassroom on Fri Dec 15 2023

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Coherence & Cohesion

Ensure that your essay has a clear logical structure by organizing your paragraphs effectively. While your essay demonstrates a good degree of logical structure, there are some areas where transitions could be smoother and the connection between ideas could be strengthened.

Coherence & Cohesion

Include an introduction and a conclusion to frame your essay, which you have done. Both are largely clear and fulfill their respective roles, with the conclusion effectively summarizing the main points of your essay. However, the introduction could be more specific in stating the key arguments that will be addressed in the main body.

Coherence & Cohesion

Support your main points with specific examples and detailed explanations. While the essay includes support for the points made, the support could be more specific and detailed to make the arguments stronger and more persuasive.

Task Achievement

Address all parts of the task to ensure a complete response. Your essay addresses the causes and provides some solutions to the problems, but the development is somewhat unequal and more detail could be given to fully explore these areas. Expand upon the solutions and how they could be implemented, including potential obstacles and how they might be overcome.

Task Achievement

Express your ideas clearly and comprehensively. While your response touches upon key ideas relevant to the topic, additional clarity and depth are needed to thoroughly convey your understanding of the topic. Avoid vague statements and ensure that each point made is developed with clear reasoning and evidence.

Task Achievement

Include relevant examples that are specific to the topic to support your points. The essay includes examples, but further specificity and relevance to the main topic would make them more effective. Use examples that clearly demonstrate the connection between causes and proposed solutions.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

292 words

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

5.5
band
It is important for children to learn the difference between right and wrong at an early age this distinction. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinino? What sort of punishments should parents and teachers be allowed to use to teach good behavior to children.
Teaching children the distinction between right and wrong from an early age is widely considered essential for their moral and social development. Many believe that this early education lays the groundwork for future behavior and decision-making, forming the basis for how they interact with the world as adults. The role of parents and teachers is critical in this process, but there are differing views on the most effective methods for guiding children toward ethical behavior, as well as what kind of punishments or reinforcements should be used.
5
band
These days the fashions in clothing are constantly changing. Is this affecting the individuals and the environment in a positive or a negative way? Give your reasons for answer and include relevant examples from your knowledge and experience.
In the ultra-modern world, it is beyond suspicion that the fusions and dressing patterns of people have gone through drastic transformations due to the advancement of technology and globalisation. It is a matter of pain and shame to note that such a practice has adverse effects not only on human beings but also on the ecosystem. Which will be proved in the upcoming paragraphs.
5
band
In some countries, more and more people are hiring personal fitness trainers, rather than playing sports or doing exercise classes What is the reason for this Is this a positive or negative development
A particularly interesting scene can be found in most developed cities which is more and more fitness centers are opened for people with substantial economic income. They promote living a healthy lifestyle through the use of gyms. People are encouraged to purchase personal fitness trainer service inside and they claim that fitness trainers can help them to target specific physical problems they aim to solve more efficiently when comparing to the result from playing sports or doing exercise classes.
4.5
band
Some employers are willing to give their workers a certain amount of unpaid sabbatical* time, believing this benefits the individual and the organisation. Other employers see no merit in this arrangement and discourage it. Consider the possible arguments for and against unpaid sabbatical leave, and reach a viewpoint of your own. * Unpaid sabbatical time or leave = extended, unpaid time off work, in which an employee can follow personal interests or studies, and then return to work.
According to brain behaviour, a calm mind has more productivity than a busy one during work. In this point of view, some employers offer a certain amount of unpaid sabbatical time to increase their employees' yield and on the other hand, some of them disagree with this solution. Both approach has some benefits and drawbacks. In this essay, I will consider each one.
8
band
Some people think young people should be free to choose their job, while others think that they should be realistic and think about their future. Discuss both views and give your opinion
In this day and age, many young people are facing a dilemma while choosing a job. While many people argue that the young should be able to choose their occupation freely, others believe that they should be pragmatic and prioritize their future. In the following essay, I am going to discuss both views and state my view on this matter.

In some countries levels of health and fitness are decreasing and average weighs are increasing. What do you think are the causes of these problems and what are some possible solutions.

Your opinion

It is important for children to learn the difference between right and wrong at an early age this distinction. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinino? What sort of punishments should parents and teachers be allowed to use to teach good behavior to children.

These days the fashions in clothing are constantly changing. Is this affecting the individuals and the environment in a positive or a negative way? Give your reasons for answer and include relevant examples from your knowledge and experience.

In some countries, more and more people are hiring personal fitness trainers, rather than playing sports or doing exercise classes What is the reason for this Is this a positive or negative development

Some people think young people should be free to choose their job, while others think that they should be realistic and think about their future. Discuss both views and give your opinion