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Writing Samples /
Band 7

Some people believe that it is good to share as much information as possible in scientific research, business and the academic world. Others believe that some information is too important or too valuable to be shared freely. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #information #research #business #world
In the contemporary era, a wide range of
information
 plays a key role in our lives. Some argue that
information
 should be easily accessible to everyone, from scientific studies to business resources and educational knowledge.
However
, other people contend that certain
information
 is not suitable for sharing freely
due to
 its critical nature.
Therefore
,
this
 essay will explore both viewpoints, and I believe that some
information
 needs to be limited. On one hand, proponents of unrestricted
information
 assert that offering accessibility and convenience can promote innovation and progress.
For example
, in scientific research, sharing
data
 openly can accelerate discoveries and improve outcomes. In terms of business, access to market
data
 and trends can help small enterprises compete with larger corporations.
Additionally
, providing free educational resources ensures equal opportunities for students from various backgrounds. It is evident that open
information
 fosters collaboration and collective advancement.
On the other hand
, advocates of limited
information
 believe that the proliferation of
data
 or research leads to many concerning issues,
such
 as economic crime and substance abuse.
For instance
, if bad actors obtain
information
 about chemistry and
then
 produce drugs or related substances, it could contribute to societal harm.
Moreover
, from a business standpoint, numerous valuable pieces of
information
 are confidential,
such
 as individual privacy
data
, company strategies, and production recipes, all of which are not suitable for sharing freely and must be protected and limited;
otherwise
, they could undermine a company's competitiveness and financial stability. For the reasons mentioned above, it seems to me that
while
 the accessibility of
information
 can drive the evolution of society, it presents more adverse impacts on individuals and society,
such
 as privacy problems, an increased rate of crime, and reduced company benefits.
Therefore
, I believe that not all valuable
information
 should be spread for free
Submitted by zora840810 on

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task achievement
Your essay responds to the prompt effectively, discussing both viewpoints and providing your own opinion. However, adding more specific and varied examples would strengthen your argument further.
task achievement
Ensure that every paragraph has a clear main idea. You already do this well, but sometimes your points could be slightly better developed or more nuanced.
coherence cohesion
Work on linking different parts of your text more fluidly to enhance readability. For example, transitional phrases can help connect your ideas more smoothly and improve the overall flow.
coherence cohesion
Your essay's structure is logical, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. However, the conclusion could benefit from a stronger ending to leave a lasting impression on the reader.
coherence cohesion
Make sure each main point is fully supported with relevant examples and explanations. Think about how you can delve deeper into each viewpoint you discuss.
introduction
Your introduction effectively sets up the essay by stating the two different viewpoints and your opinion on the matter.
body paragraphs
Each body paragraph addresses a different aspect of the debate, which makes your argument comprehensive and balanced.
logical structure
Your reasoning is clear and logically structured throughout the essay, making it easy for readers to follow your argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • information sharing
  • scientific research
  • business
  • academic world
  • advancement of knowledge
  • progress
  • collaboration
  • cross-disciplinary research
  • open access
  • democratization of information
  • transparency
  • credibility
  • intellectual property
  • security concerns
  • commercial interests
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