IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people believe that unpaid community services should be a compulsory part of high school programs (for example working for a charity ,improving the neighborhood or teaching sport to younger children). To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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It is argued that every high
school
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 curriculum should include voluntary community
services
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such
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 as working for a charity, improving the
neighborhood
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neighbourhood
show examples
, or teaching sports to
children
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.
This
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 essay completely agrees with
this
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 statement because charitable activities help to develop particular soft skills at an early age and spend their free
time
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 usefully. The main advantage of the presence of unpaid community
services
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 in the
school
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 program of the young generation is the ability to improve teamwork and communication skills.
This
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 is
due to
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 the fact that students should work as a team, interacting with each other in order to achieve a mutual goal together.
As a result
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, they learn how to easily communicate with others, behave themselves in society, and solve problems in a group without
conflicting
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conflict
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.
For example
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, a similar initiative in Korea resulted in a 23% decrease in bullying among pupils. Another factor to consider is that
such
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 voluntary organizations create an opportunity for young people to spend their free
time
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 with benefits.
That is
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 to say that
children
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 start to spend the rest of their
time
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 after
school
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 doing good things for society by helping people with limited abilities with their needs, cleaning the environment
from
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of
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 garbage, or teaching younger
children
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 how to do some types of sports.
Consequently
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, these activities will become steps forward to good coexistence with peace and kindness.
For instance
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, the survey conducted by the parents of high
school
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 teenagers in
the
Correct article usage
a
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 village
of
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in
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 Russia revealed that
such
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 community
services
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 encouraged their
children
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 to clean the local beach from plastic and spend their summer holidays
by
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apply
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bringing benefit to the planet.
To conclude
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,
this
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 decision will help boost certain skills,
such
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 as the ability to work in a team and communicate in a good way, and give them an opportunity to not waste their
time
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.
Therefore
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, I am in
favor
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favour
show examples
 of the idea of making volunteer
services
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 a compulsory part of the
school
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 curriculum.

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task achievement
Great job on presenting a clear and comprehensive response to the task. Your arguments are well-developed and supported with relevant examples. However, you might want to further elaborate on the examples to make them more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which effectively frame your arguments. To further improve coherence, consider using more transitional phrases between sentences and paragraphs to guide the reader smoothly through your ideas.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear and logical structure in your essay, which makes it easy to follow your arguments.
task achievement
You provided strong main points and supported them with relevant examples, making your essay persuasive.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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