Some people believe that unpaid community services should be a compulsory part of high school programs (for example working for a charity ,improving the neighborhood or teaching sport to younger children). To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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It is argued that every high
school
curriculum should include voluntary community
services
such
as working for a charity, improving the
neighborhood
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neighbourhood
show examples
, or teaching sports to
children
.
This
essay completely agrees with
this
statement because charitable activities help to develop particular soft skills at an early age and spend their free
time
usefully. The main advantage of the presence of unpaid community
services
in the
school
program of the young generation is the ability to improve teamwork and communication skills.
This
is
due to
the fact that students should work as a team, interacting with each other in order to achieve a mutual goal together.
As a result
, they learn how to easily communicate with others, behave themselves in society, and solve problems in a group without
conflicting
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conflict
show examples
.
For example
, a similar initiative in Korea resulted in a 23% decrease in bullying among pupils. Another factor to consider is that
such
voluntary organizations create an opportunity for young people to spend their free
time
with benefits.
That is
to say that
children
start to spend the rest of their
time
after
school
doing good things for society by helping people with limited abilities with their needs, cleaning the environment
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
garbage, or teaching younger
children
how to do some types of sports.
Consequently
, these activities will become steps forward to good coexistence with peace and kindness.
For instance
, the survey conducted by the parents of high
school
teenagers in
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
village
of
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in
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Russia revealed that
such
community
services
encouraged their
children
to clean the local beach from plastic and spend their summer holidays
by
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apply
show examples
bringing benefit to the planet.
To conclude
,
this
decision will help boost certain skills,
such
as the ability to work in a team and communicate in a good way, and give them an opportunity to not waste their
time
.
Therefore
, I am in
favor
Change the spelling
favour
show examples
of the idea of making volunteer
services
a compulsory part of the
school
curriculum.
Submitted by Aqxniet on

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task achievement
Great job on presenting a clear and comprehensive response to the task. Your arguments are well-developed and supported with relevant examples. However, you might want to further elaborate on the examples to make them more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which effectively frame your arguments. To further improve coherence, consider using more transitional phrases between sentences and paragraphs to guide the reader smoothly through your ideas.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear and logical structure in your essay, which makes it easy to follow your arguments.
task achievement
You provided strong main points and supported them with relevant examples, making your essay persuasive.

Your opinion

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Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

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...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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