IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people think that money spent on space exploration is a waste and could be better used to fund other urgent problems in society. To what extent do you agree?

#people #money #space #exploration #waste #fund #society
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Nowadays life on
earth
Capitalize word
Earth
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 is becoming more and more precarious and
therefore
 many people believe that we should explore options in
space
.
However
, others argue that there are far more pressing concerns on
earth
 and that we should deal with them first. I tend to agree with the first group , and in
this
essay
Add a comma
essay,
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 I will argue that
space
exploration
 is essential for the survival of mankind. Let us look at the arguments against spending vast amounts of money on
space
. It is an undeniable fact that the environment is in a dire situation because of man-made problems
such
 as global warming. If we
invested
Wrong verb form
invest
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 more money into solving
this
 problem, we might not need to look for other places to live.
In addition
, there are serious health issues
such
 as cancer and diabetes that need to be tackled as a matter of urgency. These cause great suffering to millions of people and a cure could easily be found if there was adequate funding.
Although
 the arguments above are valid, in my
opinion
Add the comma(s)
opinion,
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 there is evidence to suggest that
space
exploration
 could bring a number of solutions to our problems here on
earth
. With more international
space
 stations,
for example
, we would be able to predict and prevent extreme weather patterns and monitor natural disasters more effectively.
As a result
, our life on
earth
 would be safer. It must
also
 be noted that
space
exploration
 has been responsible for the development of many life-saving inventions
such
 as radiation treatments which have increased our life expectancy dramatically.
To conclude
, there will always be difficult problems to deal with on
earth
Capitalize word
Earth
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, but
space
exploration
 might provide long-term solutions that have yet to be discovered
yet
Rephrase
apply
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. I believe we should continue to fund experiments in
space
 so that we have a Plan B which may end up being our only real hope for the future.
Submitted by TUTOO on

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coherence cohesion
Although the essay presents a logical flow, further efforts can be made to more seamlessly connect ideas between paragraphs. For example, the transition between the argument against space spending and the rebuttal could be smoother to enhance readability.
task achievement
The essay could include more specific examples or data points to substantiate the claims, particularly when discussing the benefits of space exploration.
coherence cohesion
Clear introduction and conclusion
task achievement
Main points are supported with relevant examples and explanations
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