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Band 7.5

The prevention of health problems and illness is more important than treatment and medicine. Government funding should reflect this. To what extent do you agree?

#prevention #health #illness #treatment #medicine #government
The most annoying thing that humans must face is the disease.
However
, it keeps appearing and transforming into another virus with new symptoms and people can not finish it with a simple cure.
Therefore
, there are ample healthy activities that help prevent sickness or slow down the progress of health issues.
Moreover
, public healthcare should prioritize using their fee to pay more attention to
this
 problem. It is accepted wisdom that the loop of producing diseases will always be unstoppable and avoidable causing more deaths.
Nevertheless
, even if the healthcare industry creates more vaccines to prevent illness, they can not imagine the speed of spreading the virus.
While
 the experiment of new medicine continues, the residents are suffering and gradually losing their awareness
due to
 serious symptoms.
For example
, during the COVID-19 period, almost all countries failed before the spread of infection.
Moreover
, all the hospitals seem overloaded because the government does not propose any policy for their citizens to protect themselves from coronavirus. Regarding the Covid 19 in 2020, VietNam is a developing country that has been successful in proposing an effective epidemic campaign. Thanks to the ''5K'' campaign, the economy of VietNam was not damaged but remained stable for a long time.
Therefore
, the government should prioritize their residents's health first and use funds for more effective policies to avoid the demolition of the economy.
Besides
 that, a certain solution will help the public people realize the essence of disease in reducing the proportion of getting sick. In conclusion, the prevention of health problems will be better than treatment and medicine.
Nevertheless
, the government should focus on healthcare issues and allocate funding appropriately and timely.
Submitted by dohuyhoang on

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task achievement
While you have addressed the prompt adequately, try to further elaborate on your points. More detailed arguments and examples would strengthen your response.
coherence cohesion
A clearer structure for your arguments would improve readability. Consider breaking down each main point into separate paragraphs.
task achievement
Ensure each main point is fully supported with relevant examples that illustrate your arguments in greater depth.
coherence cohesion
Your argument can benefit from a more explicit link between paragraphs to ensure smooth transitions and logical flow.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction and conclusion are clear and effectively frame the essay.
relevant specific examples
The essay presents relevant ideas and examples, particularly with the COVID-19 and Vietnam case study.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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