IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Some people say that on order to prevent illness and disease, governments should focus on reducing environment pollution. To what extent that you agree or disagree?

#people #illness #disease #governments #focus #environment #pollution
It focuses on reducing pollution in the
environment
,
the
Correct word choice
and the
show examples
 government have had to protect residents from being ill or diseased.
This
 writer agrees with that statement and will prove their reasons about the effects of the
environment
 on
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
also
Correct word choice
and also
show examples
 many verities.
Firstly
, people may be concerned about what polluted
environment
 could have a bad effect on us before they are affected by
them
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
. The prime example is that some scientific research shows that the main agents of lung cancers are the gases which are evacuated by factory chimneys or transportation from suburban to urban areas.
Moreover
, untreated wastes coming from households and producing processes being littered in rivers, streets, forests and
elsewhere
 are the most remarkable things to solve. After the natural decomposition, all of these trashes spoil our habitats by poisoning the cascades and plating lands which are the non-renewable Earth sources whose foods and drinks we contain until having health problems.
Secondly
, the government must introduce environmental protection policies in order to stop many harmful diseases from attacking public health. A dirty and humid
environment
 is
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 pertinent place for viruses and microorganisms to spread out and infect people. India is a typical country for the danger of diseases, COVID-19, in their resident because of the lack of attention to natural habitats. The randomness and unpredictability of infectious epidemics is not synonymous with neglect to protect our life places. Paying insufficient attention to the
environment
 or making no attempt to meliorate it is the main reason why humans suffer from illnesses and diseases. There is no doubt that governments that focus on reducing environmental pollution

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Structure
Ensure that your essay has a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. The conclusion was not fully developed in your essay.
Cohesion
Use a variety of cohesive devices effectively, but be cautious not to overuse them or use them inappropriately.
Examples
Enhance your argument by providing more diverse specific examples and evidences to support your points.
Grammar
Pay close attention to sentence structure and punctuation to enhance the readability of your essay.
Content
You have effectively used examples and evidence to support your arguments.
Cohesion
Your essay demonstrates a good logical flow of ideas, which is a sign of strong coherence and cohesion.
Task Achievement
You have done well in addressing the prompt and providing a clear stance on the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • chronic conditions
  • regulatory measures
  • environmental policies
  • pollution reduction
  • global warming
  • preventive approaches
  • reactive approaches
  • public health
  • community involvement
  • innovative solutions
  • cost-benefit analysis
  • environmental pollution
What to do next:
Look at other essays: