IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

During a recent plane journey, you sat next to businessman who owns a chain of restaurants. You talked to him, and he suggested that you should contact him about a possible job in one of his restaurants. Write a letter to this businessman. In your letter •Remind him when and where you met. •Tell him what kind of job you are interested in. •Say why you think you would be suitable for this job.

#plane #journey #businessman #chain #restaurants #contact #job #•remind #•tell #•say
Dear Muhammad Shoaib, I am writing to let you know that we met on flight number AS1001
while
 travelling from Karachi to Islamabad on March 6, 2024. I hope you will consider my situation favourably. Let me explain my situation in more detail, I am hunting the role of a
data
 analyst so that I can serve the food sector efficiently. Being a
data
 analyst I will not only manage the inventory of restaurants but
also
 analyse the sales and purchases which will give us insights about particular products that are performing well and where we need to improve our products and services to increase the potential customers.
Hence
, would you kindly take my request into consideration? After completing my graduation in
Data
 Science from the Univesity of Peshawar in session 2011-15, I have been working as a
data
 analyst for the past 8 years. Despite the fact that I have worked with renowned organisations in different sectors, I want to develop my analytics skills in the food industry. Thank you for your consideration. Yours faithfully, Haris Khan
Submitted by Haris Khan on

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Task Achievement
Consider a more detailed introduction for context and to establish a rapport. While your opening introduces the purpose of the letter, adding a brief friendly or personalized comment could make your introduction more engaging.
Task Achievement
When explaining why you are suitable for the job, include more specific examples of your achievements or skills. Highlighting particular successes or relevant projects can strengthen your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure your paragraphs flow smoothly by using a variety of transition words or phrases. This will help to connect your ideas more clearly, enhancing the reader's understanding and the letter's overall cohesion.
Coherence and Cohesion
To improve your letter's coherence, try to build a clearer narrative or storyline. While your main points are clear, weaving them into a more cohesive narrative about your journey and aspirations could strengthen your letter.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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