During a recent plane journey, you sat next to businessman who owns a chain of restaurants. You talked to him, and he suggested that you should contact him about a possible job in one of his restaurants. Write a letter to this businessman. In your letter •Remind him when and where you met. •Tell him what kind of job you are interested in. •Say why you think you would be suitable for this job.

#plane #journey #businessman #chain #restaurants #contact #job #•remind #•tell #•say

Dear Muhammad Shoaib, I am writing to let you know that we met on flight number AS1001

while

travelling from Karachi to Islamabad on March 6, 2024. I hope you will consider my situation favourably. Let me explain my situation in more detail, I am hunting the role of a

data

analyst so that I can serve the food sector efficiently. Being a

data

analyst I will not only manage the inventory of restaurants but

also

analyse the sales and purchases which will give us insights about particular products that are performing well and where we need to improve our products and services to increase the potential customers.

Hence

, would you kindly take my request into consideration? After completing my graduation in

Data

Science from the Univesity of Peshawar in session 2011-15, I have been working as a

data

analyst for the past 8 years. Despite the fact that I have worked with renowned organisations in different sectors, I want to develop my analytics skills in the food industry. Thank you for your consideration. Yours faithfully, Haris Khan

Submitted by Haris Khan on Wed Mar 13 2024

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Task Achievement

Consider a more detailed introduction for context and to establish a rapport. While your opening introduces the purpose of the letter, adding a brief friendly or personalized comment could make your introduction more engaging.

Task Achievement

When explaining why you are suitable for the job, include more specific examples of your achievements or skills. Highlighting particular successes or relevant projects can strengthen your argument.

Coherence and Cohesion

Ensure your paragraphs flow smoothly by using a variety of transition words or phrases. This will help to connect your ideas more clearly, enhancing the reader's understanding and the letter's overall cohesion.

Coherence and Cohesion

To improve your letter's coherence, try to build a clearer narrative or storyline. While your main points are clear, weaving them into a more cohesive narrative about your journey and aspirations could strengthen your letter.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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3Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Grammar mistakes
 

7 paragraphs

178 words

7.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Greeting and closing

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 9.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

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Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

In many countries, children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong, while others consider it as valuable work experience. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

It is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their personal lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages?

What is the most important thing for governments to spend money on: education, health, transportation, or something else?

Since the beginning of the 20th century, the number of endangered species has increased significantly and we have witnessed more mass extinctions in this period than in any other period of time. State some reasons for this and provide possible solutions.

The graph shows the increase in population of three counties Colunbia, Yamhill and Washington in the U.S. state of Oregon, between 1940 and 2000. These three lines experienced an upward tendency, where the highest population was recorded in Washington.