Some people think that schools are too competitive and that this has a negative impact on children. Others believe the competitive environment encourages children to achieve. Discuss both views and give your opinion
Schools
play a crucial role in the development and education of children
. While
some people argue that the competitive nature of schools
has a negative impact on children
, others believe that it encourages them to achieve more. This
essay will discuss both perspectives and present my own opinion.
On one hand, a competitive school environment can be beneficial. In many affluent countries, the government provides substantial support to educational institutions, ensuring they maintain high standards. For instance
, schools
are encouraged to develop new programs and integrate advanced technology into their teaching methods. These improvements help students enhance their skills and better prepare them for future challenges. As a result
, competition among schools
can drive them to continually improve, ultimately benefiting the students.
On the other hand
, excessive competition can have negative consequences. One major concern is the potential increase in social inequality. Children
from wealthy families can afford to attend top-tier schools
with superior resources, while
those from low-income families may be left behind in underfunded schools
. This
disparity can create a significant gap in educational opportunities and outcomes. For example
, schools
in disadvantaged areas often lack essential facilities like internet access and modern technology, putting their students at a disadvantage.
In summary, the competitive nature of schools
can have both positive and negative effects. While
it can drive improvements in educational quality, it can also
exacerbate social inequalities. In my opinion, the government should focus on ensuring that all schools
have access to the necessary resources and support. This
would help all children
, regardless of their socioeconomic background, to receive a high-quality education and reach their full potential.Submitted by writingbersama on
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task response
To elevate your score in 'task response,' try to provide more specific and diverse examples to support your arguments. Reflecting on real-world scenarios can strengthen your response and make your essay more compelling.
coherence and cohesion
For 'coherence and cohesion,' ensure each paragraph flows logically to the next. Transitions between ideas could be smoother to enhance readability.
task response
Consider expanding the analysis of both perspectives, especially the negative impacts of competition. Delving deeper into psychological effects on students or providing more statistical data could improve your task achievement.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay includes a clear introduction and conclusion, framing your discussion well. This helps to maintain a logical structure.
task response
The response comprehensively addresses both the positive and negative aspects of competition in schools, fulfilling the requirements of the prompt.
coherence and cohesion
Main points are well-articulated and supported, making your arguments easy to follow.