IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that society affects more on the youth than their parents To what extent do you agree or disagree

#people #society #youth #parents
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Several human beings argue that
parents
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 cannot influence more on their children like than
the
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apply
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society
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.  I strongly agree with the statement that
the
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apply
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society
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 plays
the
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a
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 vital role
on
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in
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 the youth. On the one hand in today's interconnected
world
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world,
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 the
affect
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effect
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 of
the
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apply
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society
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 on the youth cannot be ignored.  Social media and modern technologies make it easier for
young
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the young
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 generation to be influenced by some individuals who take videos
in
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of
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 different
contents
Fix the agreement mistake
content
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,
although
Linking Words
parents
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 are prohibiting
to
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apply
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their children
using
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from using
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 social media.
For example
Linking Words
  one of the most well-known American
YouTuber
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YouTubers
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 all over the world by his alias Mr Beast is known for his
high production
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high-production
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 videos which are observed mainly by young people. On the
internet
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internet,
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 there are many YouTubers like him who have been
effecting
Verb problem
affected
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 by their
contents
Fix the agreement mistake
content
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on
Change preposition
in
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the
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apply
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diverse fields.
On the other
Linking Words
hand
Add a comma
hand,
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 peer pressure is naturally stronger than parental pressure.  The reason for
this
Linking Words
 is that young people spend more time with their friends or peers than family.
For instance
Linking Words
, in Uzb pupils spend around 10 hours at school which means mainly their daytime
in contrast
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only
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to only
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 several hours with their
parents
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.
Moreover
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, children would like to reserve the actions of their peers and try to be the same
like
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as
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 the individuals who are their ideals. 
For example
Linking Words
, the  majority of young people tend to act or dress as their ideals. In conclusion, 
while
Linking Words
society
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 can indeed have  a strong influence on the youth,  the role of
parents
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 is reducing to the next level.
Submitted by chartakinnovation on

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task achievement
You need to provide more specific evidence and examples to fully support your points. This will strengthen your arguments and provide a clearer, more comprehensive response.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and includes adequate explanation and examples. This will make your essay more coherent and logically structured.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are present, which helps in structuring your essay effectively.
task achievement
Your essay addresses the prompt substantially and provides a complete response.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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