IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

While many advocate for the necessity of obtaining a higher education, others argue that it is not essential for success in today’s diverse job market. Discuss both views regarding the necessity of higher education and give your opinion.

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Recently, it
is
Wrong verb form
has been
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 argued that
pursues
Wrong verb form
pursuing
show examples
a
Remove the article
apply
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higher
education
Use synonyms
 is crucial,
while
Linking Words
 others believe that it relies
in
Change the preposition
on
upon
show examples
 today's diverse career
market
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not
Add the comma(s)
, not
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 because of educational levels to success. I personally believe that
a
Remove the article
apply
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higher
education
Use synonyms
 will
occur
Verb problem
create
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job
Use synonyms
 opportunities, and
high-salaries
Correct your spelling
high salaries
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,
however
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, it is
also
Linking Words
due to
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 the
limitation
Fix the agreement mistake
limitations
show examples
 of
Use synonyms
job
Add an article
the job
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market
Use synonyms
. There are several reasons why people believe that
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
higher
education
Use synonyms
 is
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 necessity.
First,
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job
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 opportunities are
predominant
Add an article
the predominant
show examples
 reason, which
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 required a top class
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
educational level.
For example
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,
doctor
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doctors
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,
engineering
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engineers
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, and
auditor
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auditors
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are needed
Wrong verb form
need
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extremely
Change the word
extreme
show examples
 academic
background
Fix the agreement mistake
backgrounds
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 to get
in
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into
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 the position.
Furthermore
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, these jobs offer
high-salaries
Correct your spelling
high salaries
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 to them, which supports them to improve their personal and professional living standards.
Consequently
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, a
mojority
Correct your spelling
majority
 of people tend to chase a high ranking of knowledge. On the other
hands
Fix the agreement mistake
hand
show examples
, the
limatation
Correct your spelling
limitation
limitations
 of career
market
Use synonyms
 spaces are
also
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cosidered
Correct your spelling
considered
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a crucial part to be
successed
Correct your spelling
success
.
Unemployments
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Unemployment
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are
Verb problem
has
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 increasing recently
due to
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 the population
rose
Wrong verb form
rising
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 dramatically.
As a result
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, numerous companies are not required to recruit new
staffs
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staff
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 in their firms because they already have permanent employees to respond
on
Change preposition
to
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 their
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
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,
eventhrough
Correct your spelling
even
,
they
Correct word choice
though they
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 have a higher knowledge background applying for positions.
For instance
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, IT positions in Australia
are
Wrong verb form
have had
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 high
demands
Fix the agreement mistake
demand
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 since
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last
Correct article usage
the last
show examples
 decade but these days, there are no more recruited because they are already
completed
Change preposition
in complete
show examples
demands
Fix the agreement mistake
demand
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. In conclusion,
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
higher
education
Use synonyms
 is essential to obtain, which will
provides
Change the verb form
provide
show examples
 a few benefits
such
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 as
job
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 placements, and a high income to improve
standard
Correct article usage
the standard
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living
Change preposition
of living
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,
nevertheless
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, there are
also
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 because of jobs
market
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 space. I strongly believe a higher
education
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 and
Use synonyms
job
Correct article usage
a job
show examples
market
Use synonyms
 are
necessery
Correct your spelling
necessary
 needed to be successful.

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task achievement
Your essay should have a clearer introduction that succinctly outlines the two views and your opinion. Your current introduction lacks clarity and appears a bit confused.
task achievement
Work on providing more detailed and relevant examples to support your points. For instance, explain how specific degrees directly lead to higher job opportunities and how market limitations affect employment.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea, and that your supporting sentences directly relate to that idea. This will improve the logical flow and coherence of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Refine the conclusion to better summarize your main points and restate your opinion more clearly.
task achievement
You address both sides of the argument, which is essential for this task.
task achievement
The essay mentions specific job fields, making your points more concrete.
coherence cohesion
There is an attempt to discuss sociological trends, such as increasing unemployment, which adds depth to your argument.
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