While many advocate for the necessity of obtaining a higher education, others argue that it is not essential for success in today’s diverse job market. Discuss both views regarding the necessity of higher education and give your opinion.

Recently, it
is
Wrong verb form
has been
show examples
argued that
pursues
Wrong verb form
pursuing
show examples
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
higher
education
is crucial,
while
others believe that it relies
in
Change the preposition
on
upon
show examples
today's diverse career
market
not
Add the comma(s)
, not
show examples
because of educational levels to success. I personally believe that
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
higher
education
will
occur
Verb problem
create
show examples
job
opportunities, and
high-salaries
Correct your spelling
high salaries
show examples
,
however
, it is
also
due to
the
limitation
Fix the agreement mistake
limitations
show examples
of
job
Add an article
the job
show examples
market
. There are several reasons why people believe that
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
higher
education
is
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
necessity.
First,
job
opportunities are
predominant
Add an article
the predominant
show examples
reason, which
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
required a top class
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
educational level.
For example
,
doctor
Fix the agreement mistake
doctors
show examples
,
engineering
Fix the agreement mistake
engineers
show examples
, and
auditor
Fix the agreement mistake
auditors
show examples
are needed
Wrong verb form
need
show examples
extremely
Change the word
extreme
show examples
academic
background
Fix the agreement mistake
backgrounds
show examples
to get
in
Change preposition
into
show examples
the position.
Furthermore
, these jobs offer
high-salaries
Correct your spelling
high salaries
show examples
to them, which supports them to improve their personal and professional living standards.
Consequently
, a
mojority
Correct your spelling
majority
of people tend to chase a high ranking of knowledge. On the other
hands
Fix the agreement mistake
hand
show examples
, the
limatation
Correct your spelling
limitation
limitations
of career
market
spaces are
also
cosidered
Correct your spelling
considered
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a crucial part to be
successed
Correct your spelling
success
.
Unemployments
Fix the agreement mistake
Unemployment
show examples
are
Verb problem
has
show examples
increasing recently
due to
the population
rose
Wrong verb form
rising
show examples
dramatically.
As a result
, numerous companies are not required to recruit new
staffs
Fix the agreement mistake
staff
show examples
in their firms because they already have permanent employees to respond
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
their
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
,
eventhrough
Correct your spelling
even
,
they
Correct word choice
though they
show examples
have a higher knowledge background applying for positions.
For instance
, IT positions in Australia
are
Wrong verb form
have had
show examples
high
demands
Fix the agreement mistake
demand
show examples
since
last
Correct article usage
the last
show examples
decade but these days, there are no more recruited because they are already
completed
Change preposition
in complete
show examples
demands
Fix the agreement mistake
demand
show examples
. In conclusion,
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
higher
education
is essential to obtain, which will
provides
Change the verb form
provide
show examples
a few benefits
such
as
job
placements, and a high income to improve
standard
Correct article usage
the standard
show examples
living
Change preposition
of living
show examples
,
nevertheless
, there are
also
because of jobs
market
space. I strongly believe a higher
education
and
job
Correct article usage
a job
show examples
market
are
necessery
Correct your spelling
necessary
needed to be successful.
Submitted by Date on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Your essay should have a clearer introduction that succinctly outlines the two views and your opinion. Your current introduction lacks clarity and appears a bit confused.
task achievement
Work on providing more detailed and relevant examples to support your points. For instance, explain how specific degrees directly lead to higher job opportunities and how market limitations affect employment.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea, and that your supporting sentences directly relate to that idea. This will improve the logical flow and coherence of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Refine the conclusion to better summarize your main points and restate your opinion more clearly.
task achievement
You address both sides of the argument, which is essential for this task.
task achievement
The essay mentions specific job fields, making your points more concrete.
coherence cohesion
There is an attempt to discuss sociological trends, such as increasing unemployment, which adds depth to your argument.

Ultimate Speaking practice for IELTS

Practice speaking step by step, answer real-life questions, and build your confidence. Start your free trial and improve your speaking skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!