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Writing Samples
Band 5

The rise of social media has affected personal relationships and society as a whole. do the advantages of using social media for communication outweigh the disadvantages?(KN)

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Over the
last
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 few decades,using social
media
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 has risen dramatically in the world.
It is clear that
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 the usage of digital networking is affecting
in
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apply
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every one's
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everyone's
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 life.As a matter of
fact
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fact,
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 there are a lot of various pros and cons of using social
media
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 for people.In
this
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essay
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essay,
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 I will address some advantages and disadvantages of
this
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 and I will draw my own view. Let's begin by looking at some benefits of digital networking.
Firstly
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,each person can start up a new business
in
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on
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 social
media
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 and advertise it in order to earn a lot of money.Generally speaking,the majority of people are using some applications
such
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 as Instagram and
telegram
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Telegram
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 for producing content so as to attract more customers.
Secondly
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,social
media
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 may be entertainment for all
community
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communities
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 and they can explore videos or photos that they are interested in watching them.
In it
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It
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 condiered that,introducing these apps has made it easier to research and find daily topics. Turning to the other side of the argument,social networks might have several drawbacks for individuals.One of the main demerits is that the accounts of users can be hacked by some unknown resources.
In other words
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,not only may the users lose their private account,but
also
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 they might miss their significant data
such
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 as bank information
and
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apply
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etc.Another disadvantage
for
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of
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 social communication is that it would be addictive for young people like children or juveniles.Clearly,if youngsters know about
extended
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the extended
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 accessibility of social
platform
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platforms
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,they will not notice
about
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apply
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their lessons as much as before.
To conclude
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,despite the fact that public
network
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networks
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 might be practical for new businesses and
It
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apply
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provides
Correct subject-verb agreement
provide
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 glamorous topics,
It
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They
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also
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 can be harmful because of hacking resources and compulsive
contents
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content
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.In my view,the benefits of using social
media
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 outweigh the drawbacks.

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Coherence and Cohesion
To enhance coherence, make sure that each paragraph transitions smoothly from one idea to the next. For instance, explicitly linking the benefits and drawbacks of social media can help your argument flow more naturally.
Task Achievement
Although you mention several advantages and disadvantages, providing specific examples and evidence to support your points would make them more compelling. Try to incorporate real-world examples or data to back up your arguments.
Task Achievement
The essay provides a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps in setting the context and summarizing the argument effectively.
Task Achievement
You have successfully addressed both the advantages and disadvantages of using social media, presenting a balanced view.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay follows a logical structure, making it easy for readers to follow your argument.
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