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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

45.The table below gives information about the different ways mobile phone owners use their phones in a developing country. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant

45.The table below gives information about the different ways mobile phone owners use their phones in a developing country. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant
#information #phone #owners #phones #country #features #comparisons
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The given table demonstrates How people used their mobile phones which, are subdivided into six different methods in three
years
Use synonyms
 2006,2008,and 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
 , It is
clean
Correct your spelling
clear
show examples
 that make Calls are the most popular ways to
commincate
Correct your spelling
communicate
 with others through
this
Linking Words
 period.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the percentage of using the not mobile varies from one year to
another
Replace the adjective
another year
other years
show examples
years
Use synonyms
. The longest
propotion
Correct your spelling
proportion
 of using mobile way by making
Add an article
the call
a call
show examples
call
Change the form of the verb
calls
show examples
.
Addtionally
Correct your spelling
Additionally
,
takes
Wrong verb form
taking
show examples
 photos, and
exchange
Wrong verb form
exchanging
show examples
 text messenger
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
 represented as the second highest percentage recorded with & a percentage between 60% and 70% only in these
years
Use synonyms
.A few people used
y
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
mobile phones for playing games, and . playing music started
just
Change preposition
at just
show examples
 around 14 % in 2006,
then
Linking Words
 increased to more than 20% in 2010 . On the other
hands
Fix the agreement mistake
hand
show examples
, there was no data collected from
search
Wrong verb form
searching
show examples
 the internet
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and recording videos in 2006.
Besides
Linking Words
, these methods
becoming
Wrong verb form
became
show examples
 more
dominated
Replace the word
dominant
show examples
 in the following two
years
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, the
using
Replace the word
use
show examples
 of
Add an article
the internet
show examples
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
show examples
shows
Wrong verb form
shown
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Significant
grow
Replace the word
growth
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 up reached at 41% in 2008, and 73% in 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
, the utilization of phones varies
according to
Linking Words
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the type of methods of using it, mostly used to contact with
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
, and less in recording videos or
search in
Wrong verb form
searching
show examples
 the internet.
Submitted by MM2 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "overall".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words years with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.
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