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Writing Samples
Band 8

Some people are of the opinion that children should be rewarded for good behaviour. Others think they should be punished for bad behaviour. Discuss both views and give your personal opinion and reasons.

#people #children #behaviour
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It is evident from the research that appreciation will always act as a source of motivation for every human being irrespective of age. Some folks believe that kids should be rewarded for friendly actions so that they can keep following those practices in order to become the best humans.
However
, others opine that giving punishments can support little ones to not perform any bad acts.
This
 essay will discuss both views in detail
To begin
 with, rewarding children with some gifts for their good behaviour can influence and motivate other peer groups to adopt exceptional qualities and become prudent citizens.
This
 will result in the holistic development of smaller ones.
For example
, a study by Oxford University's Child Psychology department revealed that toddlers outshine exceptionally when exposed to an environment where they receive perks and appreciation for their best actions towards society. On the other side, undoubtedly giving punishment for their mischievous can bolster the young minds to differentiate between right and wrong.
This
 way they will not repeat or perform any unethical stuff because they are already aware of the outcomes. To illustrate, the child crime rate in Nigeria drastically dropped to 65% because of stringent penalization policies by the government. In conclusion, I think both things are the two sides of the coin with their own pros and cons. In my opinion, I assert that a blended approach should be considered in order to foster the children by love and a little strictness helps parents and schools in inculcating good qualities for their
overall
 healthy growth.
Submitted by joshi65201 on

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task achievement
Try to elaborate a bit more on each side's arguments. Providing more examples and deeper reasoning will enhance the clarity and depth of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Minimize minor grammatical errors and use more varied sentence structures for a smoother reading experience.
task achievement
The essay addresses both views comprehensively and with relevant examples, which strongly fulfills the task requirements.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clear and effectively summarize the essay's position, enhancing the overall coherence.
coherence cohesion
Logical flow between paragraphs is well-maintained; each point is clearly linked to the next, aiding reader comprehension.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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